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Updated as of March 26, 2010 - Link Only! CRAZY SPOILERS ALERT! Guess what? Vivian has decided to hurt Carly with psychological warfare by breaking up her and Bo. Gee, if she really wanted to cause psychological damage, wouldn't it just be easier to leave her WITH Bo? Look at the bad luck that befell poor Billie, Hope, Shawn D., and Shawn Sr., all of whom were close to Bo! Even inanimate objects are not immune, as boats and bikes he's touched have also been destroyed ... Rafe is gonna try and prove who masterminded the kidnapping, while Elvis is gonna try and prove that Sami is better off without Rafe. What these bucks really need, however, is to face each other man to man, toe to toe, eye to eye, in Salem's first ever no holds barred SHAVE OFF ... How about it, fellas? The razors are on the house! Lastly but not leastly, Phil is gonna warn Chloe to keep Carly away from Dan, even though he knows she can't, as they share a daughter, but hey, that's what old lovers/good friends are for - to make you even more insecure when you're a childless, songless singer with no family for miles and your last mother in law, who also happens to be your latest bff's mother, tried to poison you ... But that's okay, cos Phil can feel better too,when his new bride dreams of seeing another man in the kitchen, outside the door, in the fridge, cos she loves her new hubby so much! END Updated as of February 2, 2010 - Link Only! What They are Really Thinking ... RAFE The writers are too old. They need to be replaced by that Crocodile Hunter's kid or maybe Stuart Little the karma guy ... ELVIS He who laughs last gets more airtime - and I should bloody know! SAMI This Olympic medal will bring Sydney home, I know, cos I am tight with the gods of Mt. Olympus. Zeus lent me his hair extensions once. ANNA These boots sure weren't made for walkin. ROMAN Ya can't keep a good woman down or in my case, hell ya can't keep any woman! STEPH All's fair in love and me! Did I mention me? VIVIAN Mirror mirror on the wall ... CARLY There is no gift more precious than a child .. CIARA REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! Craziest Spoilers Not wanting to call any more attention to Sydney's disappearance, Elvis fakes her death. Not one to be outdone, Vivian plots Mel's demise while in public places and then decides to tell Carly about it after Carly has been hit on the head ... Updated as of January 4, 2010 LOST AND FOUND! Hope has lost her voice. Every time she wants to say something important, she breaks into that laryngitis croak. It's not very Nancy Drew, is it. Speaking of Nancy Drew, she too found a Chinese puzzle box. Might this mean that Bo is a Hardy Boy? Anna has evidently lost her mind ... Sami has lost not only Sydney, but also her memory of EJ being a master duper where she is concerned, like the time he had an immigration agent pretend to threaten him with deportation unless they were wed. If she hadn't lost her memory, she would certainly think twice before accepting what he tells her at face value and didn't she used to be scared of him anyhow ...? Another thing that musta been lost was part of a quote cos a soap mag claims Kenny Corday stated there are lotsa Hortons left, like Lucas ... but ummm he just got fired! Melanie has lost her ability to make a decision. Nath no Phil no Nath no Phil sniff sniff. Bring back the firecracker girl already! Bo has lost his office, which must be why he has them big meetings down at the pier nowadays. Lastly but not leastly, poor John Clarke only found out the character he originated - Mickey Horton - was gonna lose his life after some of the press already knew. Ouch! Guess that cake got lost in the mail, too ... Found but alas not Lost SPOILERS Sydney is almost found, only to be lost again. Victor finds a reason to be mad at Carly. Updated as of November 27, 2009 - Link Only! As the baby switch saga winds down, the role of the DiMeras as a complex mob clan has become even more clear and so without further ado, we bring you ... The Corleones Vs. the DiMeras The Godfather Vs. Days In the Godfather, there is Don Vito Corleone, the old school Godfather who does what he feels he needs to for la familia. Days has Don Stefano DiMera. In the Godfather, there is Michael Corleone, the heir apparent who does not want to bend the rules, but must and how it torments him and affects his love life! Days has Elvis Jr. DiMera. In the Godfather, there is Sonny, the hotheaded Italian son no one can predict. Salem has Lucas, played by real-life Italian descent Bryan Dattilo, so don't dilly-dally, Days! We are one key ingredient away from the perfect mob family. Make Lucas the other son already ...! Craziest Spoiler Vivian wants Phil to call her mother! Updated as of October 26, 2009 - Link Only! Prepare to be Spoilerized - or not! Most Forgetful Citizens of Salem! Hope. She says Bo risked the safety of their house when he chose not to pay Ciara's kidnappers, but the reality was that the safety of the house was compromised when SHE invited kidnapper Dean in! Chad. His mother was originally referred to as a judge, now she is a lawyer. Victor. Our Greek tycoon insists Kate is a killer, yet forgot to actually have the locks changed when she left the mansion. That having been said, at least he is not as badly off as Victor of Y&R, who evidently forgot he quit, vowing never to return. Roman. He has forgotten the Brady pub is a family business. That would explain why he has an undercover agent pretending to be a pusher operating from the pub, where the cocaine is delivered. Maybe he even forgets the Brady pub is HIS family's business! Updated as of September 11, 2009 - Link Only! Prepare to be Spoilerized - or not! SOAP SPIES ARE REAL! On Days of Our Lives, evil DEAN shows up. On Young and the Restless, evil DEACON shows up. On Days of Our Lives, Ciara is kidnapped. On Young and the Restless, Colleen is kidnapped. On Days of Our Lives, Victor Kiriakis becomes more sinister. On Young and the Restless, Victor Newman becomes more sinister. On Days of Our Lives, Nicole fakes her pregnancy. On Young and the Restless, unbeknownst to Ashley, her pregnancy is fake! Time to call in the FBI, CIA, ISA, NASA, ASPCA to get to the bottom of things! And now for something completely different ... Can you spot the real spoiler among the sillies? Will revives the Monkeys and becomes the lead singer. Hope blames Bo for endangering Ciara cos SHE invited dangerous Dean into their home. Victor buys the pub so he can fire Arianna and become a professional loiterer. Nicole is haunted by Baker's ghost. Sami decides to become a nun. The Real (and silly) spoiler is ... scroll down downer Hope blames Bo for endangering Ciara cos SHE invited dangerous Dean into their home! Next thing ya know, she'll also blame poor Bo for global warming, the health care crisis, Krakatoa, and the breakup of Jon and Kate. Updated as of August 26, 2009 - Link Only! Prepare to be Spoilerized - or not! Top 10 Reasons Days Gets Shafted at the EMILY - oops - EMMY Awards ! The cast is just too darn good looking. The fans are just too darn good looking. The background music is not boring enough. No one ever ages in Salem. No one ever dies for real in Salem. The characters are nice to their mothers. Eric Braeden votes numerous times, using an alias. The babies on the show are too cute. The Emmy gods are anti-Irish. And now for something completely different. Can you spot the real spoiler ...? Hope shoots Bo. Sydney is sorased into Hannah Montana. Stefano and Victor swap families for a day. Dan romances Kate because he hates her. Chloe wakes up and is crowned Miss Universe. Will and Chad have a dance off. EJ and Rafe have a duel. Baker shows up on The Doctors show. Father Matt demands the return of Johnboy Black. And the real spoiler is ... Dan romances Kate because he hates her. Life is ever so complex in Salem! That would be the number 10 reason Days does not win enough Emily Awards. Emmy's helpers just cannot keep up with the storylines. You see, Days and its fans are in a league of their own ahem! Updated as of August 20, 2009 - Link Only! Prepare to be Spoilerized - or not! How come we never saw Dean before, though he presumably worked with Hope for years (even when she was off the Force har har!), and now the dude is everywhere all Dean all the time! It is actually getting quite scary. Is he in my coffee mug, too ...? That having been said, he is a powerful actor, to be sure. James Scott is also a powerful actor and it makes for good conflict to have a tormented anti-hero, so pulease give the guy a break for not being Sami's current yes-man! If he were a predictable nice guy, his and Rafe's interaction would go something like this ... RAFE I wanna protect Sami. EJ And I wish to be Samantha's protecta. RAFE I gotta save hur. EJ And I wish to be her salvation. RAFE I wanna be with hur. EJ And I intend to remain at her side. RAFE We're happy. EJ Blissful. RAFE See ya, Elvis. EJ Goodnight, Johnboy. Speaking of salvation, Victor saves every scene he is in! So where's the Emmy huh! Emmy. Say, wasn't that the name of our unemployed hero Rafe's other dead wife? Meanwhile, Kate has gone too over the top. She is starting to morph into the good looking, designer version of Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Just wait. Soon she will be sitting at Chloe's bedside, hissing about "my precious ..." Lastly but not leastly, here is one Fall Spoiler we chose not to put on the spoilers page, due to the shocking nature of the thing that you would never see coming. Phil and Steph get back together but then she breaks up with him again ... Spread the word, people! Updated as of August 7, 2009 - Link Only! Prepare to be Spoilerized - or not! Top 10 Reasons Salem is Dumb and Dumber! 1. Sami trusts Nicole all of a sudden as her new confidante. Say whaaaaaat? 2. Nicole runs around the air conditioned DiMera mansion in what appears to be a speedo swimsuit, while EJ and Stefano are in suit jackets, and she keeps repeating herself day after day after freakin day! 3. EJ declares on a daily basis that he knows Nicole is hiding something, preferably just before a commercial break. 4. Will's hair. 5. Mia is suddenly supposed to be innocent, though she SOLD her baby thru a black market baby broker to finance a dancing career that went bust, after which she came back to town. 6. When Ari is supposed to taste the cocaine, cop style, she swallows about a tablespoon of the drug. Call 911! 7. Craig will come to see comatose Chloe, but not doting mother Nancy! 8. There is still no promise of Ivan returning with "Madame" (Viv)! 9. It took enraged viewers years to get over Bo and Hope's loss of Zack, so what the heck, why not torment them some more by having Ciara get kidnapped and use that as an excuse to start up another Bope misery driven storyline nobody wants, and promise to drag that one out, too ...! 10. The women of Salem are lying CRYBABIES, and there is not a single heroine in sight! Early Bird Dummy Bonus The cops suspect Kate and have not bothered to put a tail on her (not even an unofficial one) Silliest Spoiler Award goes to Nathan and Phil, for future flip-flopping between Mel and Steph. Updated as of July 21, 2009 Prepare to be Spoilerized ... Salem now has an African-American Mayor who never got an office and has been reduced to an extra ... The only Italian family in town is the murderous mafia ... The only Greek family in town is also involved in organized crime ... The only two Latin characters in town are suspected of having seedy secrets and the Salem P.D. refused to hire the guy, claiming he breaks the rules (as if Bo et al never did!) Mia, who is now disguised in Geisha girl makeup, was the only pregnant teen in town. Starting to see a pattern? P.S. Steph should not be representing the hospital, she should be getting therapy there for 1. breaking down half the time 2. talking like a cartoon character on fastforward the other half of the time. And now for something completely different! Can you spot the real spoiler(s)? Mel kisses Phil but has claimed she wants Nathan. Steph flirts with Nathan but wants Phil. No one saw Kate openly poisoning Chloe's food or playing the doctored recording in the park. Nicole does not want to call attention to herself so she seeks out suspicious Chad and gives him a warning. Elvis becomes distracted while trying to interpret a dream he had. Sami is increasingly weary of Rafe and decides she can trust the wailing woman in the woods more that the man who saved her life on more than one occasion and lives with her. Now ready for the results? Scroll down ... Down More down Downer If you guessed all then you were right! They are ALL silly, but very real spoilers! Updated as of July 10, 2009 Next on Days of Our Lives (can you spot the real spoiler?) Nathan becomes the new chief of staff. Mel tries to get Steph and Phil back together, so simple Steph accuses her of trying to steal her man! Kate claims Dan tried to poison her! Will denounces Sami and changes his name to Jughead. The gloved hand secretly switched the babies back. Meredith is Emily with a face transplant! Scroll down for the real spoiler ... Mel tries to get Steph and Phil back together. so simple Steph accuses her of trying to steal her man! (true silly spoiler) Updated as of June 30, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED ... or not! In broad daylight, broad Kate holds up that apple and injects it with poison. This is like a freakin cartoon! Rafe is undercover so he YELLS questions on his cell while walking thru Salem Place, investigatin! Steph sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks again. Back to the morgue for this one! If she wants to sound smarter, she should internalize more like Arianna, who is about to be promoted, though it is not known whether smarts will have anything to do with said promotion. After all, there is currently one employee at the pub - and she is it! But don't be fooled. Their coffee is so bad even she would rather grab an empty cup of joe at the Java Cafe, where evil men lurk circling Hope's picture and lovable Rafe assumes all Salemites who know each other are part of a global conspiracy. Poor Nathan. Not a decent day on the job as a new doc and already his character is taking a beating! First he accuses Mel of ruining Nick without knowing the facts, then he barks accusations at Maggie for letting her stay, without knowing the facts, and next up he will be playing strip poker. Gee, what professional doctor material! The other new dude has a better deal. He claims to be Chad, but we all know better. That there is the clone of the lead singer from Norwegian pop group AHA! Next on Days of Our Lives (this is the joke part eh!) Emily is revealed to be Rafe's pet turtle, who perished in the turtle witness protection program when run over by Chelsea ... Emily starts to appear in Bo's visions ... The mystery man (a very bored Kenny Corday) does a crossword puzzle. Hope donates even more money she doesn't have ... Updated as of June 20, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED ... or not! Kate is now a forensics expert, in addition to a poison expert, but lacks the common sense to do her dirty work in private, gleefully doing it outside on the terrace, where anyone could walk out! Why does Steph always speak so disrespectfully to her elders? She was snappy with Steve and Kayla, Stefano, Victor, and most recently Caroline. Rude rude rude! And when she should have been snarling at EJ for the big confrontation, she was smiling. Sigh! With any luck, when she falls and hits her head, it will make a few changes ... Mel's French was half understandable, but charming Nathan should stick to medical studies, cos his francais sounds like a seal struggling with Esperanto! Lastly but certainly not leastly, guess what. The soap Gods gave Days a gift with Ari Zucker (Nicole)'s real pregnancy, but the show will not be writing it in! What is it they say about leading a horse to water ...? P.S. A HUGE THUMP ON THE HEAD to writers that copied my comparing Kate to the Wicked Queen in Snow White! What a bunch of wannabes. Just proves that there is only one ORIGINAL and it will ALWAYS be here first! "And that's a fact ..." Updated as of June 9, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Grace was wide-eyed and bushy tailed and mighty healthy lookin for all that death stuff. Just as well, though. It reminds us it is only a show after all, not reality. The reality is that the last head writer who killed off a little one (Zack) ended up getting fired. Hmmm .... Will bad soap karma repeat itself? Stay tuned! Meanwhile John and Marlena are not slated to return for Grace's service. As if that would happen! Marlena would be on a plane in a jiffy, to offer daughter Sami her support. Call the continuity police! Lucas needs to get sleuthing pointers from Nancy Drew Mel, cos he is now written worse than an ostrich with his head in the sand. He suspects something but keeps flip flopping about wanting to know. Chloe must be hypnotizing him. That would also explain why the opera sorceress goes for weeks on end without blinking! Steph is about to go bonkers, people! And she will have a bad vision of Owen, too. It sure would be a hoot to see Owen come back for real down the line, just to haunt simple Steph a la Larry Welch. Better yet, have him show up on her doorstep one day and do like Jack Nicholson in the horror movie The Shining. "HONEY, I'M HOME!" NEXT ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES (this is the joke part eh!) Rafe offers to adopt Ken Corday ... Updated as of May 12, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Owen is not a "double agent" and here is why. A double agent is a bona fide spy who then becomes a spy for an enemy. Owen has been presented as Victor's gardener who works on the family estate. He is an employee The fact that he is a spy for the DiMeras while working for the Kiriakises as a gardener makes him a mole (one who spies from within an organization). So the gardener is a mole! An example of a double agent would be Kim Philby, the scumbag MI6 (spy) who was in fact spying for the KGB. He was a double agent. Now back to the silliness of our lives ... Is Philip the new Lucas? He has become incredibly hapless and will drink Steph's drugged lemonade, which knocks him out. When he wakes up and abducted Steph is gone, he gets confused. Geesh! Speaking of Steph, there is now irrefutable proof she is a wind-up doll. In 2007, she kept telling Jeremy she was there for him. In 2008, she repeated to Max numerous times she was there for him. Now we are in 2009 and we get the same lines for the third guy, as she has continuously told Phil she is there for him. With any luck, once she is stuck at the morgue, the batteries will run out so the recording will stop. It is indeed a pity Steph is not written smarter. According to Days news, her escape attempt will not succeed. In stark contrast, according to real news, a 27 year old orangutan recently escaped the Adelaide Zoo in Australia, outsmarting her captors by shortcircuiting the electric fence around her enclosure. Why oh why can't Salem's gals be as bright as an Aussie orangutan?! Never mind the usual stairs everyone keeps falling down, whatever happened to those renovations Stefano ordered done at the mansion a while ago, for what was to be a new wing? Did the new wing fly away? If so, did it take Rolf with it ...? How odd that originally Johnny lived with Sami, and EJ got visitation, yet now she says he lives with the DiMeras half the time! So much for being scared of them. Wanna know why the Salem P.D. never go near the crime-ridden pier and warehouses? Cos they'd rather be drinking the coffee at the pub or the Java Cafe, gossiping, having visions of friends and family, going home to nap, while lamenting how busy they are ... Speaking of the pub, no one seems to remember that the specialty was the clam chowder. Now we are all about burgers. Grandpa Shawn must have taken the recipe with him to the other side. When can Bo get a vision of that instead of the teddy bear? Meanwhile, it is truly bizarre that church goer Caroline has suddenly morphed into a tough old broad who says Bo's standard "What the hell is going on?" Unless that was really Bo in drag with an amazing makeup job! Updated as of April 21, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Phil's post-shooting scenes would have been riveting had sobbing Steph not hijacked them with all that noise! No wonder he shuts his eyes and flat lines after seeing her at his bedside! One guess what Dan's experimental treatment will be that saves him. Probably the promise of a restraining order to keep the screamer girl at least 100 yards away ... We get the picture that Vic does not care about the expensive bust he drops when he hears Phil has been shot, nor would we expect him to. There is this little old thing called insurance ... So, why would Sami assume her having a baby with EJ would make EJ not want to marry Nicole, whom she also assumes has a baby with him? Nicole. Sami. Sami. Nicole. Take your pick, but both bickering blondes sure are sorely lacking in the logic department. And they get most of the lines in their scenes because...? The fellas they play against are more interesting. Time for them to get their shot at all those lines! Let Elvis, Rafe, Lucas, etc. do the talking and we’ll be just fine out here in viewerville. Nicole and EJ are suddenly very Addams Family. Meanwhile, Masi must be "under the radar" and unknown at Interpol cos this is his very first job! Why else would he venture to a hotel for a hit, without a disguise, only to blow it at close range? Great actor, but those behind the scenes didn't do their homework. Unless, of course, our would-be assassin is currently in training with the Salem P.D. as a not so sharp "sharp shooter" yuk yuk yuk! Speaking of security, docs are supposed to be smart, yet Dr. Baker fills Mia in on how dangerous the DiMeras are, and he chooses to have this intense meeting at the busy cafe, where they can be overheard! Speaking of Baker, he is destined to take some sorta fall, which is not surprising as everything must happen at least twice in Salem. Nicole and Sami got pregnant by EJ, Masi tries to shoot twice, Tony and then Baker falls, on Days Days of of Our Our Lives Lives. Now if only the ratings would double, too ... ! See Ratings page for recent ratings report, if ya dare! Updated as of April 14, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED - Link Only! So the ineffectual wedding crashers story drags on for 2 weeks and then continues Nicole's deception blah blah blah.The problem with this storyline dragging out is that Nicole is not smart. Never has been and never will be. Kate is a smart villainess and so was Kristen, but Nicole has returned to her mean airhead roots. When she dupes EJ, it dumbs down his character. Nicole is not even smart enough to be accepted to medical school like race car driver, bartending Max, who took about 10 days to travel 400 miles in France by train with bozo galpal Steph, had those billion dollar blueprints stolen by teenybopper Mel, and has yet to mix a real drink. Stop the insanity! Speaking of insanity, Will's hair is alive, people! Don't get too close or you might get mauled! Lastly but not leastly, even some newspaper headlines in Salem make no sense. Proof positive is that the April 14 newspaper Bo sees in his accurate vision has the following headline: "New De Luxe Price Gauge Dodge Fought." No word yet on whether that Dodge will also wanna do battle with Will's hair. Stay tuned ... Updated as of April 7, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED The phrase "At Chez Kiriakis" is heard. Pulease see below, Days writers! We already explained on March 6 that Chez means "at the home of," so if you say "At Chez Kiriakis," you are in fact saying "At at the Kiriakis home." When in doubt, there is this wonderful little invention called a dictionary and you can more than likely find one chez Kiriakis! That crimson curtain Steph has been wearing just goes to show you that not every little red dress is a winner. Ouch! Hello, Operator? The average Days episode now includes about five cell phone calls. Speaking of cell phone banter, what a waste to have Stefano the godfather talk to his Italian cronies on the phone instead of letting viewers see them. Heck, it would only have cost a few bucks to hire some Italian extras to show up on set for a couple of hours, with their own suits and everything! Glad to hear the DiMeras have a new electronics guy with an evil beard and MIT degree. In addition to bugging the Kiriakis clan, now how about re-installing cameras with audio at the DiMera compound ... And where are the bodyguards of Vic and Stefano? On spring break in Palermo? Meanwhile, the spoilers say EJ leaves Nicole at the alter, but she then gets back in his good graces. Of course. That is because everything happens at least twice in Salem, so we will need two wedding days, just like there were two pregnancies, Steph and Phil will soon break up and make up for the second time, and the hitman hired to off Phil does not succeed, so he returns for a second attempt in time for May May sweeps sweeps ... No word yet on whether the hitman will manage to get in at at the Kiriakis home! Updated as of March 25, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED They say that disasters come in threes, and the following disastrously dull spoilers are no exception: 1. Three people intend to stop Nicole's wedding. 2. Grace comes home to Salem. 3. Sami talks to Sister Agnes. Almost every day people get married, babies comes home, and people talk to nuns about problems, etc. Too commonplace! But wait. There's even more wild and crazy stuff in store! Tony is gonna take a dangerous fall on a piece of wood, after which a murder mystery may or may not ensue. Perhaps it will depend on whether Nicole finishes him off when she sneaks into his hospital room and attempts to talk the poor guy to death by repeating her usual "No one is going to take away my happiness." No wonder Pookie ran away! By the by, Tony is actually quite trendy, given that he will take a fall, because everything is falling in Salem these days, ranging from Nicole's hairdo and Will's IQ (duh, all Swiss food is like bad) to Stefano's mojo and EJ's power of observation, both of which have fallen completely off the radar ...! P.S. Pookie needs a contract. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is a top rental. PPSS On the episode of Wednesday, March 25, that is not Alvin the chipmunk you are hearing, it's just cartoon Steph, who has decided to prove her smarts by talking as fast as a fastforwarded tape or one of the chipmunks. BLOOPERS for the Episode of March 6, 2009 - Link Only! Steph asks Phil how he explains "a girl being summoned into her boss' office to get KIDS instead of KISSED. Speaking of Steph, why would Phil ask her non-ITness to help with IT stuff? She couldn't even operate her own camcorder for her college project at Anna's office, for crying out loud! Her Stephness is right about one thing, though. Her da and Phil's da are very different when it comes to their approach toward people, cos her da is the one who succumbed to EJ DiMera's brainwashing and almost became a freakin assassin! Sami uses the phrase "At Chez DiMera." WRONG! "Chez DiMera," as we oft say it, is French for At the DiMera home so "At Chez DiMera" is just as silly as saying At At the DiMera home. Some Days writers need to invest in a French dictionary - or go back ta school! The DiMeras, by the way, appear to be suffering from budget cuts, given that they keep having to open their own front door. Where oh where did Rolf go? Meanwhile, it now looks like Nicole is running around in Rafe's leather jacket. Are they dating or did she just steal it from him??? Grease is the word is the word that you heard ... Lastly but not leastly, someone ought to call animal control cos an entire bird nest was built on Kate's head overnight and she doesn't even seem to notice. Maybe that's why Stefano announces he will find out what Sami and Nicole are talking about at the next table, only to take off out the door! Previous Madness Phil asserted to Vic that there were no copies of the formula EJ gave back. It is called a photocopier, my dear boy! And just what century is it in Salem, given that Lucas, Sami, and Will seemed to think cable tv was such a big deal when Will found out it was available at Marlena's townhouse! Don't they ever watch Days of Our Lives?! Meanwhile, not only does Mayor Abe not have an office, neither does the DiMera group of corrupt companies! That must explain why EJ and Phil had their big meeting on the DiMera doorstep. Trump would be appalled! Updated as of February 17, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Dr. Baker, the most interesting character in the baby switch storyline, will soon leave town but he had better freakin come back fast cos the dude is a hoot! He needs to be inserted into many scenes so he can say that famous line of his to all deserving Salemites. "You are a psycho!" Patchman has predicted Bo and Hope will get thru this like they get thru everything and will end up stronger afterwards. Thanx for the heads up. Now we all know we are right to fast forward the entire mopefest! Ummm, is Abe the Mayor ever gonna get an office? Is it too much to ask?! Mel has become quite fun but why does she teeter and slur like a drunk little skunk sometimes ...? And isn't she underage? Speaking of underage, there is a wild rumor out there that Will is the father of Mia's baby, which would make Sami the resident grandma who wants to be taken care of by the kindhearted FBI agent who can't win a fight, cos she is scared of EJ and his scary family who can't even find her. Not wanting to be outdone, Nicole would then have to get Pookie artificially inseminated so she can be a grandma too ... We are pleased to report that the hula hoops on Steph's ears have now been replaced with Hugh Hefner's house keys. Stay tuned ... Updated as of February 4, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Phil and Steph, aka Mr. and Miss Contrived Couple, are about to go splitsville. She'd better not run back to Max cos he and Chelsea were getting fun and cute, which explains why they haven't shown them together lately. It must be a Days commandment - Thou shalt not make the viewers happy! We had high hopes for Brady but he is now being written as clueless as those old "What the hell is going on? I am looking for Chloe, have you seen her?" days. Case in point: He actually gets caught breaking into Victor's safe so he can "borrow" money for that good friend of his, Nicole, who tried to murder papa Vic, lied to him, and set out to take him to the cleaners when their non-marriage ended. As Jed Clampett used to say on the old Beverly Hillbillies show, "One of these days I'm gonna have a looooooooong talk with that boy!" And speaking of retro tv shows with good country folks, it's reported that Ralph Waite (aka papa John Walton of the Waltons) will make an appearance on Days. There is indeed a Days of Our Lives /Waltons connection, as back in 2003, Lucas himself paid a visit to the "Dew Drop Inn," which was the same name as the honky tonk on Walton's Mountain. An even more light hearted link is that the judge on the Waltons had a hunting dog called Beauregard ... To get back to the blooper babble Nicole is doing a good job but why does she hog all the lines? Is EJ's only function to be her yes boy and walk in or out when Nicole's scene calls for it? Same goes for Rafe, who seems to be Sami's hapless sidekick as she repeats herself again and again and again. Sami's lines, by the way, are increasingly demented. She was not relieved that the killer she feared was gone and she continues to want to protect her new child from the DiMeras, where she does not mind Johnny living. Say whaaaaaat? We need to see more of Roman cos he is the most believable field cop in Salem. Otherwise, all we got are Bo and Hope talking cop business at the pub and now bickering. Rafe is right about DNA being strange cos in Salem all it stands for is Don't Nothin Add up! Lastly but not leastly, Steph needs a new dress. We have seen that one more times than Kayla has been attacked by an assailant she doesn't know (and that's a lot!) and what's up with the hula hoops glued on her ears? She hasn't been able to get them off since Chloe's engagement party! P.S. Maybe if Hope ate a decent meal now and then, she wouldn't be so crabby ... Updated as of January 22, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Calling the Catholic church "my organization" makes Salem's only sister sound more wise guy than nun! Mebbe she can give Rafe some pointers on how to fight to win for a change ... Ok, so Sami was tough enough to go live at the DiMera mansion, tell Stefano off, etc, but now all of a sudden she is scared of EJ, no she really means Stefano, cos he is evil and she knows this cos Johnny (who according to spoilers soon has a food fight with Aly) is already living at the rich mansion, being served by maid Mary, but she wants a better life for her unborn child, so how about an orphanage? (and that's pretty much how she says it). Meanwhile, nemesis Nicole has morphed into an unstable pop tart uttering lines from Mean Girls, the sequel. Stop the insanity! Bo is now the police commissioner who can't find a lost kid or a killer without black magic. Perhaps he should focus his energy on finding Salem's following missing persons; Dr. Rolf, Mickey, Henderson, and the list goes on. Think you're watching General Hospital these days? You are not alone! The spoilers have the assassin storyline, the Sami/Nicole storyline, and the John and Marlena quickie wedding storyline all having major scenes at a hospital. Is this because the writers are nostalgic for the original Shawn and Belle who are now on General Hospital? Stay tuned! Lastly but not leastly, there does not appear to be a single scene in Salem of late which does not involve a cell phone call, but you can be sure of one thing on Days - it's never logic calling! Next on Days (this is the joke part eh!) Sami asks Sister Theresa to trade lives with her ... Rafe fights with his shadow ... Updated as of January 5, 2009 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Lucas is gonna punch Dan cos he thinks the dude broke up with his mom when in fact it is Kate who dumps the doc. Poor Lucas. They don't let him get anything right on this show. Why is Sami written like such a scatter brain? Newsflash: The days of the I Love Lucy show are over! Alison Sweeney deserves a more modern character, as she works on a soap opera, not a 1950s sitcom. (at least that's not what Days was, last time we checked) The DiMeras take sensitive papers from their home to the office to be shredded. Yet those documents could be intercepted en route, so why the heck don't the capable DiMeras just get a paper shredder for the mansion, given that sensitive paperwork is done there in the first place?! Oh no! Theo has another mishap because - you guessed it - Lexie is not watching him! How many times does that poor tyke have to get lost, fall down, etc. for her to finally spring for a full time helper ...? Meanwhile, Max is probably the only bartender in town who spends hours a day wiping tables, socializing, and obsessing over his ex, though it seems he has yet to mix a drink. Speaking of Max's ex ... Stephanie shoulda played Santa instead of Doug, cos she sure is acting like a regular ho ho ho! Next on Days (this is the joke part, eh!) Doug becomes a Chippendales dancer. Theo parachutes from the hospital when Lexie isn't looking. Nostradamus Bo wins big at the races and buys NBC. Updated as of December 18, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Brady will continue to keep Nicole's secret, which means he seems to be the runner-up for the Salem sucker of the year award, second only to winner EJ. And Nicole isn't even that smart, given how she doesn't understand that someone else's trust fund is not a carte blanche bank account. Sami asks Rafe "You wanna leave me?" Rafe replies "I don't WANT TO." Emphasis on want to, as a reminder that wanna starts to wear thin when one is over 10 years old. Not one to be outdone by her nemesis, Nicole has had her own sloppy tongue of late, in particular when she utters that DiMeras should be fair too, instead of DiMeras should be feared. The freakin laughing penguin gets more airtime than Tony. Come on now! That dang toy ain't even an Emmy nominated actor like our swashbuckler Thaao! For a character who is supposed to be a nice girl, office flasher Stephanie sure swears a lot! Hell damn blah blah blah. Max and Chelsea were seeming kinda cute again, until Chelsea brought up Caroline and Shawn, thus reminding viewers that her grandparents are Max's adoptive parents, so he is technically her uncle. Mega-gag! Vic is a hoot, as usual, but he says Phil makes the company look bad when he hires and then fires someone quickly, which means Vic is about to contradict himself, as he hires Brady, re-hires Phil, then fires them both shortly afterwards! The new Trump perhaps? NEXT ON DAYS Nicole kidnaps the laughing penguin and passes it off as the next DiMera heir ... Charlotte is revealed as one of the lost Marlena clones ... Psychic Bo predicts it will soon be Christmas ... Updated as of December 11, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Bo is gonna start to have visions, I kid you not. This is an honest to goodness spoiler. His commissionerness will be the new Celeste, though there is no word yet on whether his psychic episodes will take place at the pub, which now doubles as his office ... Good for Melanie that Nick will give her his profits from the grant proposal, but that would amount to zero, considering scientific grants are for research and related expenses, and last time we checked, our 18 year old Cinderella from Hell was not a scientist, nor did she even know how to spell that word ...! Meanwhile, Kate has suddenly developed blonde highlights while bedridden at the hospital. Stephanie's cleavage on the job at Titan. Does she think she is working at the Playboy mansion? Within the space of about five minutes, John says he will continue his sessions, no he won't, but yes he will. Crikey, it is amazing Drake Hogestyn didn't just up and quit, what with the jibberish he gets! What took them so long to put these two together? Chloe and Dan are sizzlin! Next on Days Larry Welch is discovered in the Titan vault, along with Rolf, Anna DiMera, Bart, and Pookie. Updated as of December 2, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Stop the insanity! What is up with some places sensationalizing who might be the next to get their walking papers at Days? Could we pulease just focus on the storylines! Who's the boss? Someone needs to tell Steph that Phillip is, that's who, so she should not second-guess him on his hiring decisions. Not very professional for an upstart intern! Gee, ever since Bo became cop commissioner, he spends even less time at the station and more time at bars, pubs, etc. And why the heck is Max so scared of a little old box? Messages from the other side? Marlena makes appointments for John with a dead doctor and the dead doctor's daughter, also a doctor, doesn't even bother to change the dead guy's voice mail message, she just shows up for his appointments ...! Meanwhile, spoilers now say that two Salemites are gonna fall down in the near future. Oh the suspense - not! The DiMera mansion has gotten too quiet. How about livening things up with a Pookie vs. Johnny brawl? NEXT ON DAYS Sister Moira Mary roughs up the assassin who has been following Rafe around ... Updated as of November 19, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED So John and Marlena will sail off into the sunset for a while. We have been robbed! Ok, the future will likely have them back when finances permit, but I refer to the past. For months and months Jarlena have been floundering apart from each other. What a bunch of wasted airtime it was ... Commissioner Bo and Supercop Hope tell civilians Phil and Steph not to interfere with police business and then leave them alone in Bo's office, with the cop computer running. Now, according to a possible spoiler, Bo is gonna fall and hit his head. Sounds like one of the writers is nostalgic for DaysCafe calling the Salem P.D. the Keystone Cops and is trying hard to get back those good old days ... Meanwhile, Chelsea and Max play Encyclopedia Brown ... Poor Nick! Never mind he loses it and becomes an addict, then he has to put up with Melanie's shriekfest. No wonder he needs time off. And why do ya have ta go and catch her, Phil! NEXT ON DAYS Sami goes to a convent and claims to be Sister Colleen ... Shirley Partridge sues Sami for identity theft ... Shawn and David Cassidy sue brother Stefano for their share of the DiMera empire ... Nicole agrees to adopt Johnny, but only if he can use her last name, becoming Johnny Walker ... Updated as of October 28, 2008 - Link Only! Chelsea, who mentions herself in every sentence she utters, now claims Kate is all she has as a female relation she can confide in Whatever happened to stepmom Hope huh? Don't the writers rememba her?! Melanie keeps smiling like a wacko and sounding drunk. This girl needs help! So does brother Max, whose genius IQ got lost in space. This pair is slowly morphing into the Gemini twins from hell. Meanwhile, Lexie needs to stop lashing out at people when she looks away from Theo and he runs off to do something unexpected. Perhaps a new, properly qualified sitter could assist so Theo's mother would stop throwing fits that make his look like a walk in the park (or if ya live in Salem, a walk in the cemetery, since that's the only place folks take walks nowadays). Well now that Bo is gonna be da new commissioner, there will be no cops on the beat, cos Roman is already a paper pusher/Sami chauffeur. Hmmm. We need a new recruit for the Salem P.D. Who has the guts to look evil in the eye and tell it like it is, the one citizen in Salem who has never broken the law...? Pookie! Then ya add the Taco Bell pooch, a squad car, and we are on our way ... Are you having withdrawal symptoms? You are not alone, friends. This is the only week Chelsea will not repeat to Dan they are through. That phrase has now been replaced with the even more exciting "I want to help Kate even though I feel betrayed," not to be confused with "I don't trust people anymore" or "I shouldn't have let Nick go." Speaking of the Nickster, he must have been kidnapped, for that unshaven Mel stalker is certainly not a genius! Something be wrong is the universe. Is the moon out of alignment? Has Salem been invaded by illiterate body snatchers? Real Nick and real Chelsea would be together again, having intense and intelligent conversations. Is this even the right channel ...? NEXT ON DAYS Johnny puts his hand on Ken Corday and gurgles "raise!" Updated as of October 24, 2008 PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Bo suggests Max apologize to Stephanie. Genius Max acts like that's a good idea, he never thought of that. However, he already apologized to her yesterday! Oh brother. Chelsea now has yet another excuse to snivel and sniff about feeling sorry for herself, this time cos she wishes Kate dead and turns out she is dying! Speaking of sniffling and sniveling, how come so many of Salem's gals are suddenly such cry babies? We have had to endure endless boohoohooing from Nicole, Sami, Chelsea, Stephanie, Melanie, and the list goes on! Bo chastises Phil for playing Hardy boy. Bo is right about one thing. The Salem P.D. is not the Hardy boys. If they were, they might actually solve their cases yuk yuk yuk! And where the heck did Victor go? It's officially unofficial. Sami and Nicole are clones of each other. They both get pregnant at the same time from the same guy and soon they will both fake not being well so they can get away from the clutches of the authorities! Perhaps as his first order of business Mayor Abe can suggest a grand reopening of the posh Salem Place, which has been MIA for ages. Salem is a U.S. town with no plaza or mall. Yeah, right ... Guess what? Trent left a will. The spoilers say he left everything to Mel, which is interesting, considering he was up to his neck in debt! NEXT ON DAYS Sami tries to hide her pregnancy from EJ by joining General Hospital. Updated as of October 6, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Mel continues to sound rather drunk. How about a voice coach? Meanwhile, Nicole was more fun when she was drunk! Sami's dream of seeing EJ while kissing Lucas in her sleep. She had the exact same dream about kissing Austin or Brandon (or maybe both) years ago, when also kissing Lucas! Sami says damn on her way to pray at the church, while in the cemetery. Caroline would be appalled, not to mention the ghost of Partridge family mom turned nun on the run Cawaleena ... Chelsea feels sorry for herself - again, sniff sniff! She was way better with Nick, not so snively! And the silly spoiler du jour (of da day) is that Chelsea is gonna tell Dan they are over. This seems to have become the first ever weekly spoiler - that Chelsea tells Dan they are through ... Lastly but not leastly, in between interrogations and clandestine investigatin, Salem cops Bo, Roman, and consulting P.I. Steve openly discuss developments with just about any family member who drops by the station. What a bunch of gossip girls! NEXT ON DAYS The mobster mayor shoots himself in the foot and a whodunit ensues ... Updated as of September 23, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Kinda strange that the supposedly smart mayor announces Hope as his choice for cop commissioner on live television, without even asking her if she'd accept in advance! Bo and beard are synonymous. 'nuff said. EJ was with Sami once and she had his baby, then he was with her again and now she will be pregnant, not to mention that Nicole was with him briefly and now she too will be pregnant. So the question du jour (of da day) is, how many little EJs are already populating the earth, which he may or may not know about?! This could just be the tip of the iceberg ... Meanwhile, Days has snagged two Passions heartthrobs but there has not repeat not been any negotiation with the orangutan to date, though a witch or two might be fun, considering Days is set in Salem and the last closest thing we had to a witch was Billy Warlock (Frankie), who never got to live up to his name anyhow ... NEXT ON DAYS Abe offers Horton the tiger his old job ... Updated as of September 8, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Tony is gonna have some competition since Stefano wants to marry Kate and rumor has it he will be wanting a new DiMera heir. So Tony and EJ and Johnny might soon have to take their orders from the next addition of the Romper Room DiMera clan. Heck, wouldn't it be easier to just make Lucas Stefano's son? At least he's outta diapers ... It is totally unrealistic to have Marlena hanging around the DiMera mansion for even a second. Are there two DiMera mansions anyway? Sure seems like it, cos one day Stefano is there having renovations done, the next day there is no Stefano, no sign of renovations, the place just becomes the Aly/Johnny daycare centre. Meanwhile, Sami blurts out that she will not "sit by and stand for it," Sitting and standing at the same time. Quite a feat for a character who has been reduced to Salem's poster girl for instability. Not to worry, though. John and that porcupine on his head can be her partners in crime cos they have no memory of the fact that she got him addicted to drugs years back. Come to think of it, neither do the writers! Lastly but not leastly, there is buzz circulating that a "vet" has been let go. No word yet on whether it is someone who actually appears on the show more than a few minutes a year (last time it turned out to be Shawn Sr. the extra). Mebbe it's hype. Ya think?! NEXT ON DAYS Larry Welch is fired ... Updated as of September 4, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Last time we saw Abe and Lexie, he was complaining that she is best with Theo and she encouraged him, yet all of a sudden today, they act like Abe has been best with Theo's autism and he encourages her. It is the total opposite! The question is, when are the writers gonna start watching the show or reading yesterday's script, huh? In showbiz there is his little ol thing called continuity ... Meanwhile, the spoilers are pointing to the possible revival of the EJ/Sami/Lucas triangle on some level, and a brief Phil/Morgan/Chloe triangle, but as we all know, two triangles make a square and squares are boring! Ok Hannah Montana Morgan, time to grow up now that your daddy's not around .. Lastly but not leastly, now that mean Dean Professor Trent is close to his exit, one realizes that he has never even taught a class at the non-existent university, nor has Nick! Must be one of them virtual campuses with an office that is a P.O. Box in the Amazon Rainforest. NEXT ON DAYS Sarah Palin is cast as the new Billie! Updated as of September 2, 2008 - Link Only! PREPARE TO BE SPOILERIZED Crikey, the DiMera mansion got more crowded than a Hilton Hotel convention! Stefano returns, now all he needs is a woman. But wait! Either because the thought of wedding a naughty grandma who bedded her granddaughter's beau is appealing or just cos she is so sick he wants to cheer her up, here comes the marriage proposal for Kate! What will Dan say? After all, the horny toad - oops, I mean doctor - who would be Chelsea's boyfriend had body language that gravitated more toward Kate when claiming to want Chelsea. Meanwhile, Chelsea will see Nick with Melanie boohoohoo, he ain't available to kick to the curb anymore, not by her anyway. Mel the shrieker now has that dubious distinction, but her papa Trent is evil and her bro Max the race car driver turned pub worker turned genius turned French race car driver without a car (or the ability to speak French) is in danger cos of Trent and his dangerous phone and dangerous music that follows him around! We all are in danger, folks. We are in danger of losing our minds ...! Meanwhile, Stefano has corrupt contacts. Who knew?! |
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| Warning: this funny page includes spoilers ... |