| Quote of the DAY TONY Shoot to kill! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BART Ya mean them pigeons ...? TONY You idiot! I was merely trying to torment Caroline and Victor that their beloved Bo would be shot! That way, they will believe he is dead and will tell Hope as much! It is a delicious plan or at least it would have been! CAROLINE (spits) That's for not letting me compete in the limbo contest this week, DiMera! Cripes, Bart, gimme another Jack Daniels - no ice! BO Hold on ma! I'm comin ta save ya! Ye'll be off the island soon! CAROLINE Rats. Bart, make it a double! Tuesday August 9 Quote of the DAY SHAWN I will always love you ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BELLE Boohoo! I am pregnant! But I don't remember it's your baby from our tryst so I will have to carry on like this for the next six months boohoo! Kiss me again on the rooftop so I can tell you it's over! MARLENA Roman Number One, if we went on a date, where would you take me? DR. NORTH On a trip down memory lane ... MARLENA Gosh. Roman Number Two, if we had dinner, what would you make me? JOHN Strawberries with cream and that's a fact! MARLENA Golly. Roman Number Three, if we got married again, where would we honeymoon? ROMAN What da hell??? MARLENA Gee, well I guess that's somewhere in the tropics. Hmmm. I choose ... Roman Number 4! KENNY C. Marlena, we only have three Romans ... MARLENA Talk about crummy budget cuts! Make me mad and I'll go and get possessed again! KENNY C. Ok ok, I'll put out a casting call for the fourth Roman ... GERALDO RIVERA Hey, it's your lucky day! I just happen to be employable, kissable, and in the studio! MARLENA Darn, maybe I'll just be Hattie again, on second thought. Monday August 8 Quote of the DAY DR. NORTH Here we go ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR DR. NORTH Three Romans and a funeral! ROMAN I can help Marlena remember dat I'm not Roman! JOHN (raises eyebrow) Like hell, pal! I was the buffest toughest Roman so put that in yer pipe and smoke it! SHAWN Pipe??? BELLE Say goodnight Shawn! SHAWN Goodnight Shawn ... PHIL Belle, wait, I am coming upstairs because I know it's too hard for you to get downstairs since my leg is bad! ROMAN Kay, it's over. KATHERINE CHANCILLOR (Y&R) The damn cheek! Who in the hell is that man?! Does he not know that only my friends may call me Kay?! DR. NORTH Fools! Excuse me, just some professional humor ... Friday August 5 Quote of the DAY TONY I am both wicked and good! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BART Yikes! Boss, Hope gave me a shriner! TONY That's shiner. BART You're such an intellect, Count. I'm overwhelmed! TONY And overpaid, apparently. Now get thee back to Hope and guard the prisoner! BART How about I put in for a transfer to the episode where I got to check out the Redhead married to that old geyser ... Yowza! TONY Bart! BART Alright, sir. I won't quit my day job. BO Hope! Hope! Where are ya? Coast Guard, follow that mermaid - and help me pull up my pants while yer at it! Thursday August 4 Quote of the DAY JACK He is really bad ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR JENNIFER Gosh, Fankie, let's look at our old prom video ... FRANKIE Funny, I don't remember that being filmed ... JACK It wasn't, I just threw it together the other day with a couple of body doubles. FRANKIE So who is really bad, Jack? JACK The writer who keeps wanting to bump me off. I've already lodged a formal complain with the actor's union, the writer's union, the CIA, the FBI, and the ASPCA ... JENNIFER Jack, you are so funny! JACK The ASPCA wasn't for me, Jennifer - it was for that wild animal the hair department keeps putting on your head. He has rights, too! BOB BARKER And don't you forget it! Wednesday August 3 Quote of the DAY MARLENA You look familiar ... LINES THE WRITERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR OLD RO Nobody else in this dang town recognizes me! JENNIFER Jack what's wrong Jack you know Jack I worry about Jack. JACK I can't feel my beard anymore! FRANKIE That's bad, man ... JENNIFER Jack you don't have a beard Jack! SAMI I have the smartest plan on daytime television cos my mawm my dad I will jump out of a cake and attack Lucas and then he will know that Kate is a b*tch and she hired Eugenia my mawm my dad ... MARLENA Old Ro, I would rather not remember these people. Please shut the door again and lock it this time! Tuesday August 2 Quote of the DAY DR. NORTH (OLD RO) You are a very lucky man ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MARLENA Gosh. JOHN Uh was until they kept giving me these long scenes with Kate instead of doc! CHLOE Boohoo! Bandaids are not beautiful! BRADY I need you to love the fact that I love you. CHLOE Oh, blow it out your ear! MARLENA Gosh, you look familiar. DR. NORTH I'm Roman. MARLENA Then why can't I remember? NICOLE I'm Dame Edna ... EUGENIA I am the Secretary of State ... SAMI I am an Anna Nicole Smith clone ... KATE I am a cross between an extra on the Sonny and Cher show and Catwoman ... MARLENA Now those things I do recall! Tuesday August 1 Quote of the DAY DR. NORTH It's been a long time ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MARLENA Gosh well so it has but you know what they say - if the price is right! BO Hope, I gotta go check the equipment ... HOPE Your equipment is fully operational, Brady - I can attest to that! SAMI Darn, I need those Watergate tapes fast to help my mawm my dad my mawn ... Say, that doctor looks like my old dad from before I was born! KATE I am deepthroat ... EUGENIA Damn bedbugs - wait, it's Sami and Nicole!! Shoo! Friday July 29 Quote of the DAY CHLOE Will you marry me? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR CHLOE But first you will need to get hair extensions, a nose job, botox, steroids, and you will need to wait for me to have major plastic surgery on this scratch on my arm. I simply cannot tolerate anything or anyone that is not beautiful ... BRADY You are so profound! CHLOE I can't believe you're in bed with me ... BRADY I know! CHLOE When I think of all the germs that are now on these sheets, it makes me shudder! Please call the doctor and have him disinfect the furniture again ... Then fix up all your relatives with plastic surgery so they will look presentable for our wedding. BRADY The depth of your soul never ceases to amaze me! Thursday July 28 Quote of the DAY HOPE I just got this crazy feeling that someone's watching us ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BO One of the pitfalls of bein on television. That's how come I try and keep ... HOPE Buff and tough! Come here, Brady! EVIL MAN IN BOAT Sir, this is the Evil Man on the Boat. Yes, Count DiMera, I have them in my sight. Of course, sir. They don't suspect a thing - no one knows I am secretly broadcasting today's episode to Al Jazeera ... Wednesday July 27 Quote of the DAY JOHN You will remember ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR ROMAN Kade ... KATE That's KATE, you dork! ROMAN Like I was sayin - Kade, de whole time I was sleepin with duck, I was thinkin of you! JOHN That's doc, not duck. PHIL Belle, how's your bum? BELLE You mean MUM! SAMI My mawm ... BELLE MUM! TONY Bloody hell, you all need diction lessons! ROMAN Di ... JIMMY REILLY Don't try and say it or the censors will be after me again! Tuesday July 26 Quote of the DAY MARLENA Tell me who I am ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR JOHN Uh think yer Hattie, Martha Steward's evil twin. SAMI You are my ... ROMAN SHADDUP! JUST SHADDUP ALREADY! DOC LEXIE You are Marlena Evans, currently my only patient who has never had a bad hair day ... MARLENA Gosh, you'd think I would remember something as important as ... hair days. We should all have only good ones! PHIL Be-cause then for-tun-ate-ly we will all be happ-y... BELLE What the heck is the matter with his pronunciation? SHAWN Method acting mebbe. REX I am going to Chicago to join Second City. At least they admit they're funny, unlike some of this writing! MARLENA One thing I do remember is - someone called Barbara sent the DaysCafe the nicest email about being funny. So sweet. ROMAN What da hell! I thought we wuz the ones doin all the hard work and then the DaysCafe broad goes an gets credit?!! JIMMY REILLY (sighs) Now you know how I feel. That b*tch really runs with my jokes ... KENNY C. Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy! How many times do I have to tell you - it's not a sitcom! JIMMY REILLY But Shane Donovan told me he was on "The Nanny" and it's a sitcom and they needed a new head writer ... KENNY C Shane Freakin Donovan isn't real! He is a figment of my imagination! ROMAN What da hell! Does Shane know he's not real??? Monday July 25 Quote of the DAY MARLENA Who are you? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MARLENA Why, I thought I was with CBS. You people do not look the least bit familiar to me. Let's see ... here we have the Chatty Cathy from Hell pretending to be my daughter, the reincarnation of Grace Kelly also pretending to be my daughter and ... well, my goodness, it's Dex Dexter! JOHN And that's a fact! Welcome home, Crystal! BELLE Mimi sucks she is a baby killer! But I am her good friend! REX Mims, how could you?! When you killed our baby, you also killed my storyline, damn it! PHIL I just wish everyone's life could be as perfect as mine. I have the greatest wife who wants to leave me. What more could a guy ask for? Friday July 22, 2005 Quote of the DAY MARLENA Stop the fighting ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR SAMI My mawm my dad my mawm my dad Kate is a bi*ch my mawm my dad! ROMAN Sami, you're fired! JOHN I second the motion! FRANKIE Jen, will you go on "Dance Fever" with me? I think we've got a good shot. JENNIFER Sure! Now, where did I put that gittery silk pantsuit? CELESTE (gasps) Dahlings, I am getting a vibe - disco is not dead! BART I always knew I kept practicing the robot for a reason! Thursday July 21 Quote of the DAY MARLENA The baby is Roman's ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR JOHN Yur confused, doc, cos Sami's all grown up now. MARLENA But the baby ... ROMAN Yeah! We had a fling at the DiMera Castle prom! BO Well, what do you know - some good Transylvanian wine from the Count ... TONY KABOOM! BART You are one explosive fella, Count D! TONY The real fireworks will take place when they get me a love interest, damn it! Wednesday July 20 Quote of the DAY BO It was wrong ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BO It was wrong that you made a pass at me and took advantage, Billie. HOPE Rape. BO I didn't know you weren't Hope so ... HOPE Rape. BILLIE Oh Bow, I just ... HOPE You are a dumb ass rapist, Billie. Get lost! BO You heard her. Hope is protectin me now. Go away you evil broad! Tuesday July 19 Quote of the DAY ROMAN She's pregnant ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BELLE What a coincidence, I am too! BILLIE Is she pregnant with Georgia? SAMI Boohoohoo! Eugenia won't help me after I got her fired and then broke into her apartment and hissed at her! Boohoohoo! People are so mean to me ... Get Kate. Destroy her. I'm gonna punch out Eugenia too! JOHN Doc, will ye marry me again? MARLENA Gosh, well it's not your baby, John. JOHN No prob, I'm not really John anyhow and that's a fact! BILLIE Bow, let's call the ISA and see if they remember me and if they can figure out how to count to three. Monday July 18 Quote of the DAY EUGENIA I need a job! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR LUCAS What the heck for? Most people on this show don't have one anyhow! Even the writers are outta luck! SAMI No job, like me, for instance, but I can still afford to have a car and different outfits and my mawm my dad my mawm my dad ... BRADY (singing) The hills are alive with the sound of Chloe With urns they have had for a million years My heart is so full when I think of Chloe I don't see her scars but I still see those tears! MARLENA Gosh. MAGGIE Get lost, loser! BONNIE Huh? MICKEY And shut the door on your way out! The nerve of some people, actually thinking they're married to you just because you once married 'em. Geesh! MAGGIE You tell 'em! Say Mickster, I'm gonna open a special room in my restaurant and name it after you. Chez White Haired Buzzard with hefty bank book! Friday July 15 Quote of the DAY PHIL You're a free man ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR PHIL And I am so glad you and Belle are friends. I trust my wife totally. BELLE Come here, ya look like a macho firefighter! Put out this fire, ya big stud! PHIL Honey, I'm not dressed like a firefighter ... BELLE I was talking about Shawn, not you! PHIL I understand. You are just so happy to have a friend now. KATE Oh, Philip, get a clue! Where is your head at?! PHIL Gosh, I hope I didn't forget that back in the rebel filled desert of Germany as well ... BONNIE I am Mrs. Jerry Springer so there, Salem! MIMI Way to go, Phil! You are like so corrupt and rich - Mims approves! Thursday July 14 Quote of the DAY BELLE Don't worry about Shawn. LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BELLE I mean, I know he's in jail but that's just because he was looking for Philip's lost shoe. Mickey will get him out soon ... PHIL I am not worried, sweetheart. Did I mention I'm going to join the Beatles? SHAWN Man, you really are outta the loop! They split up years ago, kinda like you and ... BELLE Hush, Shawn, not now! We can only be together when his lost shoe is found! You know the rules! SHAWN Fine but will someone at least gimme a better freakin outfit! PHIL (singing) Hey Belle, don't make it bad Take a bad tale and make it betta The minute you are unda my skin Then I begin to feel like butter! Hey Shawn, don't be a dork Take my wife and make her feel betta! The minute she calls around for the stork Then we'll all know she'll soon be a motha!motha motha motha motha motha oooooooh! Nanananananananananana Heeeey Belle! Nanananananananananana Heeeey Belle! Wednesday July 13 Quote of the DAY MICKEY Will you re-marry me? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MAGGIE We are still married, ya nincampoop! MICKEY Oh. Will you take me back? MAGGIE Of course! Now, where's my new rock? BONNIE Shoot! She's way more savvy than I gave her credit for! MARLENA I am pregnant with another man's child, not my husband's. BELLE Wow! We have so much more in common than just blonde hair, it's amazing! MIMI Rex answers looking Mimi bad Rex happy Mimi very bad not good hair day evil lips gloss very bad no no. MICKEY To continue, Red, I've gotten you a new restaurant ... MAGGIE It had better be six stars, bucko! You owe me big time for having to room with that big denim mama from hell! ALICE I do so love these romantic moments! BILLIE So Chelsea, you me and Pet-trick can play Three's Company. How about it? CHELSEA Sure, so long as you're Mrs. Roper! PATRICK (sings) Come and knock on our door! We've been waiting for you! Just an unshaven dude, two deadbeat gals, Three's Company too! Tuesday July 12 Quote of the DAY MARLENA True love transcends everything ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BRADY There is so much love around me now, I feel like everything looks like a magical haze ... CHLOE You forgot to put in your contacts again. BRADY I am so in love with love and you are love! CHLOE Oh brother! BRADY And if there is no love, then what is there? CHLOE A cool storyline, which is sure what I could use right about now! JOHN Will yuh sing at muh wedding? Doc's pregnant so Uh gotta marry her again. BO Yer under arrest. SHAWN Back off, dad! If anyone's gonna arrest me, it's gonna be me! PHIL You can trust Shawn to arrest himself. I can vouch for him seeing as he wanted to steal my wife and all ... Monday July 11 Quote of the DAY REX You're free! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR REX And so am I! I am outta here! SHAWN Me too but like first I gotta like find myself ... REX Like Nemo? SHAWN Mebbe he can help me get back Belle. I got no job, no life but she won't take me back. Go figure. SAMI Do like I do when I went to reconcile, Shawn. Put on a leopard top and stomp around someone's apartment, looking for something that is so close, it will take more than just one stupid episode to find it! FORTUNE TELLER KATE Eugenia, I have a job for you ... EUGENIA Get lost. I am the Secretary of State! PHIL Belle I am so horny, get over here! Friday July 8 Quote of the DAY JOHN Happy Anniversary! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MARLENA Gosh, which one? My anniversary with you or with Roman or with Wayne Northtrop, the real Roman who is now coming back? I just cannot keep up with you fellas! ROMAN Jes think of Goldilocks an the Three Bears ... JOHN And that's a fact! ROMAN What is dat supposed to mean? JOHN Dunno. But Uh sure look darn good whenever Uh say it. Thursday July 7 Quote of the DAY REX You're free! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MIMI Huh? Get outta my cell! REX You are free to go, Mims. I confessed. I made Jan trip so now I will finish your sentence. How cool is that! SHAWN Belle, we are not over so like let's join the mile high club right here right now ... BELLE Not now! I have to get sick to my stomach simultaneously with Marlena! MIMI Oh my gosh, Rex I think your hair just growled at me again! ROMAN Doc, I think I might be pregnant ... MARLENA Gosh, well have some tea. Golly. Wednesday July 6 Quote of the DAY BRADY You will always be perfect to me ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR CHLOE Can you not come up with a different adjective already! Perfect this perfect that! BRADY I love it when you're angry and your eyes flash. They look so ... perfect. FRANKIE I don't like the fact that Patrick doesn't shave. Think I'll call one of my undercover barber contacts to get the lowdown on Lockhard. JENNIFER Oh my goodness! Oh my gosh! BONNIE I got more evidence in my place than any of them Keystone Cops! Don't tell anyone this but my old high school pal is Dog the Bounty Hunter an he taught me everythin I know about the law! REX Mrs. Lockerheart, you are like so smart. Way more intelligent than this dead racoon on my head but as always, I am thinking about Mimi ... Monday July 5 Quote of the DAY BRADY You are perfect ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR CHLOE Brady, I can never be with you! I have a blister on my baby toe! Don't look at me! BRADY Chloe Chloe Chloe I love you love you love you. Let me take you somewhere we can be alone ... CHLOE Like the mansion? BRADY No, I meant Bruce Willis' house. REX I am a smart Rex! I am a smart Rex! I am gonna prove to Mimi that I am more than beefcake in an old undershirt by solving a puzzle. I just first have to buy one at the Disney store and then after that by Jingo I'll get a paint by number set and show her what a smart studmuffin I am! PATTYCAKE Say, I can outstubble you any day! VICTOR NEWMAN Damn you all and God bless me wherever I am! BRADY Chloe, I will never stop saying your name now. Chloe. CHLOE Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Friday June 24 Quote of the DAY BRADY Chloe! Chloe! Chloe! Chloe! Chloe! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR NANCY I swear, that boy has rabies ... BRADY Stelllaaaaaa! BRADY Oh my gosh, that pilot is Chloe! CHLOE I'm here, Brady! BRADY Why is that strange nun waving at me? Doesn't she know I am very busy at the moment ... Thursday June 23 Quote of the DAY BRADY I know Chloe is alive! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR CHLOE Yadee yadee yadee! BRADY Why else would Nancy hide in her closet? NANCY Er, would you believe I was looking for Craig? BRADY Does he think Chloe is alive, too? CHLOE Brady, stop talking about like me like I'm not here! BRADY But then I won't be able to look for you and chase planes and do other cool stuff. CHLOE That is it! I'm going back to the convent pronto! WHOOPI GOLDBERG Right on! I feel "Sister Act III" coming on! Wednesday June 22 Quote of the DAY NANCY Follow your heart ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR HUNKY DR. CRAIG I'm here darlin! BRADY Nancy, does Chloe now look like a chicken because if she does, I believe I may have seen her ... NANCY Er ... follow the drumsticks ... BRADY Okay, I get the feeling you're trying to tell me something. NANCY Don't count your chickens before they're hatched. BRADY Please tell me more. NANCY Not all urns are created equal. TONY My motto! Tuesday June 21 Quote of the DAY SAMI Tony promised me! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR TONY Blah blah and bloody blah! BART He was crossing his fingers behind his back at the time, which means that promise doesn't stick, so there, Stanmi! Put that in your pipe and smoke it! SHAWN Did somebody like say somethin about a pipe? REX I have decided to start the Salem chapter of CHA - Clueless Hunks Anonymous ... BRADY Can I join? Are you Chloe? REX No, I'm not Chloe, but maybe she knows Mimi's secret so we should find her ... LUCAS Cripes, I can't help but wonder if Stan is somehow involved. I swear, when I find that guy - POW, right in the kisser! I mean, what kinda guy wears a bra anyhow! Monday June 20 Quote of the DAY MARLENA I never meant this to happen ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR ROMAN Damn thing broke, didn't it! DiMera needs ta git some newer condoms, doc! Dat don't matter, though cuz ye sure look young enough te have a baby! MARLENA Golly, thanks, so the fans tell me. BILLIE Georgia is looking for me! I am the best muppet ho in town so I know everyone wants me to be their mother! I even found a website but I need the signature of someone who hasn't had a lobotomy like muppet me and I immediately thought of you, Bo! BO I'll sign whatever the hell ya want, so long as ye leave and don't come back! SHAWN I'm in a hurry to catch a flight to Germany, South Africa, so I can see Philip and give him a new shoe! Thanks for the spending money, mom! HOPE No problem. Friday June 17 Quote of the DAY BRADY Chloe and I will finally be together again ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BRADY But I have decided that I will believe Nicole as long as I am dating her and duping her at the same time because I trust Nicole while I want to find Chloe but only while Nicole and I are together because Chloe is the love of my life so Nancy will snap soon and tell me the truth if she knows anything about Chloe being alive so we can always be together and then I will ask Nicole to marry me ... It's the perfect plan! I mean, what is life if you can't love the person you're in love with, even when you love another, and why does trust have to be about trusting someone? LUCAS Man, you need some serious help! BRADY I know. That's why I have also decided to contact Bruce Willis. Thursday June 16 Quote of the DAY MARLENA I am pregnant with Roman's child! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR ROMAN Cripes, I musta been sleepin on Tony's island since 1980! And that's a long pregnancy, doc! SAMI I am the secret younger sister of Anna Nicole Smith ... NICOLE Wow, her name has Nicole in it. Wanna make an alliance? SAMI Yeah. Kirakis. BRADY You are Stan! SAMI Get lost. BRADY You are Chloe! Everyone is Chloe but what the hell is going on and where is Chloe? Chloe? MARLENA Gosh. The baby just kicked. Wednesday June 15 Quote of the DAY MARLENA Pregnant?! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MARLENA Gosh, I must have been a very busy serial killer! JOHN I'm gonna ask doc ta divorce the loser she's married to so she cen marry me ... ROMAN What da ... she is married ta you! JOHN Oh. Muh ISA contacts fergot te tell me agin. MIMI Mimi not pregnant. Mimi bad. Abortion. No tell Rex. Bad Mimi very bad Mimi. Jail. Rex. Bad. SAMI Say Nicole, let's join forces so we can doubly annoy viewers with our silly mean girls over 30 storylines! NICOLE You've got a deal! SHAWN I'm goin to South Africa to look for Philip's lost shoe so like me an Belle can be together ... BELLE He is in Germany so we'll never find his lost shoe! Nooooooo! Tuesday June 14 Quote of the DAY SHAWN I'd do anything to make things right ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR SHAWN Meaning that I would first change this dorky hairstyle, fire the writer who insists on making me a shell of a character, get Belle a decent wardrobe, give Phil back his shoe, give Patrick a shower, get my dad a new shirt, and make Kate go far far away ... BO That's muh boy! MIMI Bad Mimi! Bad Mimi! I went to college so I could learn how bad Mimis have to plead guilty when they are bad! Bad Mimi! I did it! I shot J.R.! I stole the Florida ballots! I broke up Brad and Jennifer! I did everything! Bad Mimi! Bad Mimi! BONNIE My girl needs help - maybe the family dog can advise her while Patrick and I look on ... MARLENA Gosh, I think I'm pregnant ... It must have happened when you took me to the prom, Roman ... ROMAN Geesh, I gots some real slow swimmers, doc an it might take a few decades but dey never miss da mark! Monday June 13 Quote of the DAY MIMI I am going to jail! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR REX We're all in the same boat, Mims. It's called storyline prison. LUCAS I'm a prisoner of this dufus shirt that makes me look like a human tablecoth ... SHAWN I'm like a Elvis impersonator I think ... BELLE Nooooooooooooo! Germany cannot find Philip's lost shoe! BRADY Chloe! Oh my God! It's not you again! CHLOE Craig, I am so worried about Brady. CRAIG That he won't love you anymore? CHLOE No, I'm worried he had a lobotomy while no one was looking. I mean, he thinks he sees me everywhere now ... BRADY That is not my dad's plane! It is a giant flying tribute to Chloe oh my God Chloe! Friday June 10 Quote of the DAY NICOLE The whole free world's looking for you ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR TONY And the unfree world as well, I should hope! I do have a reputation to uphold, in villainous circles you understand. BART And I'm his right hand! We're a team like Jeckyl and Hyde, Sherlock and Watson, Abbot and Costello ... TONY Enough! Silence! BRADY Chloe? Chloe? Chloe? NICOLE Dead dead dead! BRADY I love Chloe. Nicole, you're fired! NICOLE Loser. Say, let's have the same conversation again, only this time in stereo sound ... BELLE Noooooooooooooooooo! It can't be! Philip has lost his shoe in Germany! Boohoohoo! SHAWN I think like Belle shouldn't be alone cos like Philip lost like a slipper or somethin but she shouldn't be with him so I'm just gonna like stand here and tell you all cos you don't want me to see her ... JOHN Where's muh jet. I'm leavin this dumb town once and for all! Thursday June 9 Quote of the DAY SAMI What do you want from me? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR TONY Call it my daily dosage of torment! BART She's cracking under the pressure, boss! Ready for another game of poker? TONY In an hour or so, yes, for that is when I will be hosting my weekly poker party for international dictators. BART Which chapter - the dead ones or the live ones? TONY This week we will host the living ... BRADY Then Chloe won't be there because I know she is alive and well and hiding from me with dead people. Wednesday June 8 Quote of the DAY TONY Timing is crucial ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BART Who the heck is he? BRADY Oh my God! I smell Chloe's nail polish! MARLENA Go on the balcony and look at the moon if you want even more facial hair, bub! CHLOE (aka The Flying Nun) It is time to tell Brady I am alive and time to have Nicole play matchmaker ... SHAWN Is Philip like havin a lobotomy cos like I can attest like it won't like hurt. JOHN With guys like you helpin the country, it's a wonder we still have one! SHAWN Like thanks for the like compliment. BELLE Boohoohoo! Noooooooo! Awwwww! Blaaaaaah! This storyline so gags me! TONY Another tequila, Bart! The simplicity of these pathetic Salemites is beginning to depress me ... Shall we try and amuse ourselves by calling Sami and tormenting her with yet another crank call? BART You're on! Tuesday June 7 Quote of the DAY BART The boss has other plans for you ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR CAROLINE Far out! Another limbo night! Pass the Jack Daniels, fellas! This gal is ready to partaaaay! SHAWN SR. Ah, me poor sweet Caroline ... CAROLINE Chugalug Vic! SHAWN SR. She must be so lost witout me ... CAROLINE Bet I'll win tonight's wet t-shirt contest! Yahoooo! BART Shoot, I hope she doesn't make me compete again! BRADY Oh my God! That door looks just like Chloe! MARLENA Nicole, you used to be a tart but soon you'll be nothing but toast! MIMI Abortion murder trial Rex can't know prison wedding day Bad Mimi Bad Mimi evil lip gloss ... Friday June 3 Quote of the DAY (June 6 in U.S.) BELLE I can't lose him! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MIMI Who are you talking about? BELLE I don't know but I can't lose him! KATE I am so down. ROMAN Let's have a party where it used to be Tuscany! SAMI Daddy! KATE Oh my God, you've squashed Roman - and just when he came back to me, too! SHAWN Here's a flower, doll. BELLE Nooooo! I can't lose it! I can't lose you! I can't lose him! REX Too bad Phil might croak. Oh well. Party on, desert dudes! Thursday June 2 Quote of the DAY BRADY Chloe is alive! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BRADY And Nicole is her new best friend! LUCAS What you been smoking' man? BRADY Nothing. I just had another one of those delicious energy bars from Tony's goons ... SHAWN Never mind Chloe. Miss Cleo's got nothin on me. All I need is a pair of big earrings, and then I got it made as the next best NBC fortune teller ... BELLE Philip is alive! Boohoo! Philip is dead! Boohoo! JOHN (raises eyebrow) Hullo, Shane? What cen ye do te get us a storyline that doesn't involve jibberish fer cryin out loud?! Hullo? Hullo? Who's the nanny??? KATE I hate you all!!! MARLENA Then that settles it. You and Roman are welcome to stay as long as you like ... Gosh. Wednesday June 1 Quote of the DAY BRADY Oh my God ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BRADY That girl sounds just like Bruce Willis' girlfriend! NICOLE Huh? Hello? BRADY And here's Dame Edna! Careful girls, lemme turn around cos I have a gun on Tony ... TONY Not bloody likely! LAB GUY Something strange is going on here. LEXIE What do you mean? How's Jack's blood? LAB GUY It's red! Tuesday May 31 Quote of the DAY JACK What's wrong with me ...? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR JENNIFER You're just too darn cute for the writers to want you to be happy! MAD MAX SHAWN Hello, Belle? It's me. I just wanted to call and let you know that Philip is back in action. BELLE Oh no! Where? MAD MAX SHAWN He's gone back out to fight against CBS cafeteria renegades ... Top secret stuff so don't tell anyone I told you.He took a hit from a wayward orange but he only broke a fingernail. LUCAS Damn it, Tony! I found Stan's clothes and there was a bra! Stan wears a bra???????! TONY Lucas, if only you came to work for me again, your brain power just might return! BART Gee, boss, can I keep on bein G.I. Joe all year? It's kinda fun doin this salute! Ouch! Here comes another black eye! TONY Well, Brady, do you want to see Chloe? BRADY Only if she promises to stop lying to me that she's dead. Monday May 30 Quote of the DAY TONY If I fall, you fall, too ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR SAMI FYI, no one will link me to you, especially not after I ask the marines if I can see you privately! REX According to my genius estimations, Sami and Stan are the same height, with the same color hair and eyes but never appeared together at the same time, which can mean only one thing - they are dating! LUCAS I'm crushed. Guess I'll go join the French Foreign Legion with my new, improved continental look BELLE Oh no! Philip in danger! Oh no! Philip alive! MIMI Bad Mimi! Bad Mimi! SHAWN Hello? Is this the soap storyline help hotline? I need help. Phil is a hero an they keep like makin me this dork ... I need some ideas to give the writers ... Friday May 27 Quote of the DAY TONY I will prevail ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR JOHN Not so fast, bucko! Uh got muh laptop here ... MARLENA Gosh, is that www.thaao.com JOHN Yup. BART Oh no! Boss, that creepy John Black is leaving a cheesy message on your guestbook again! TONY Why am I not surprised! Brother dear, you really ought to get out more, see the world, learn about culture! It would do you good! Shall be in touch when I am back from my next adventure - 'till then! BART I hope the rest of us don't get blown to smitherines before the weekend at least ... JOHN Who in the heck is Smitherines? Thursday May 26 QUOTE OF THE DAY TONY Are there any more heroes? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR BART I'm here, Boss! TONY Then that would be a resounding no ... BRADY (sings and dances) I just met a girl named Maria ... SHAWN Westside story is like so cool. LUCAS Can you dance? SHAWN No thanks, I got a girl. TONY I hereby sentence you all to be locked up here until you start to make sense! Ta! BART How about if they make dollars and not cents, boss? TONY Bart, a word of advice - don't quit your day job! BART I never would unless ya let me! |