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Quote of the DAY!





Tuesday April 1, 2008

EJ
Here in the U.S. I’m barred and certified.


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR


JOHN
Me too. I’m barred from many establishments and …

PATCH
Certified, Yeah, that’s me, man, but Ava ain’t doin’ too badly.

ROMAN
We got more barred and certified Salemonians den da Salem
P. D. knows what ta do with. Keeps us on our twos.

EJ
You mean toes.

ROMAN
Dat too.

MR. IMMIGRATION
Mr. Wells-DiMera, as you now have a partnership in Willy
Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, that changes everything.
Welcome to Salem. You can vote in the next election.

STEFANO (dreaming)
The last time I was conscious enough to vote, I chose Nixon ...

DR. BUTLER ROLF
Und zen I programmed him! Zose were ze days.





















Thursday February 28, 2008

EJ
Why did God give the Irish whiskey?


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR

ROMAN
Why?

EJ
I haven’t got a clue. I’m English.

SLOSHED PUB CAST
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

EJ
How do you get the peanut butter in the peanut butter cups?

ROMAN
Stop right there or I’ll have te arrest ye for espionage.

CAROLINE
Whatever. Have another tequila, everyone!

ROMAN
Ma, we’re Irish.

CAROLINE
So we are. By the way, I get the worm this time!





MORE FUN STUFF


Monday February 11, 2008

JOHN
Let’s get this bird in the air …



LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR

MARLENA
I hate it when you call me that!

JOHN
I’m too sexy for this plane …

COLLEEN
Now tat’s me boy!



Thursday January 31, 2008

COLLEEN
I’m Colleen Brady.


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR

JOHN
I’m Dex Dexter.

MARLENA
I’m Crystal Carrington.

SAMI
I’m Lucy Ewing.

BELLE
I’m Cindy Brady’s alter ego.

BO
I’m a Brady, too. Sorta.

CAROLINE
These days who isn’t a Brady?

COLLEEN
I hear ye, sister!

CAROLINE
Will you be replacing me as the Brady matriarch?

COLLEEN
No, I be here to reunite, croak, an den float away.

CAROLINE
In that case, have a drink on me …

STEFANO
Heeeeeeeelp! Where is that  phoenix bird when you need him?!

PHOENIX BIRD
My agent is ironing out a contract. We’ll do lunch soon.

STEFENO
Ungrrrrateful pigeon!



Wednesday January 9, 2008

STEFANO
What are you doing, John?


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR

STEFANO
That is my finest …

JOHN
I got my memory back smoking this fine stuff. I’m Fidel Castro.

ROLF
Runk!

JOHN
Huh?

STEFANO
He said “wrong.”

JOHN
The name is Black. John Black.

STEFANO
You’ve come a long way, baby.



Monday December 24, 2007

BO
You’re my wife . You’re my life .


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR

HOPE
Our door of love will never shut and maybe we don’t have a mutt
But  I do love the way you strut & you have daytime’s nicest bu*t.

JULIE
How beautifully romantic! Doug, anything to add?

DOUG
I do not like green eggs and ham . I do not like them Sam I am …

STEVE
What a happenin’ crowd of dudes and dudettes.

EJ
Are you there God? It’s me, Elvis. If I give up my blue suede
shoes, may I have the screaming woman of my dreams?

LUCAS
Not if I can help it! Once I get back from the short course at the Yodeling Institute, we’re gonna take our kids on a singing tour, so we can be just like that Von Crap family in the Sound of Music.

EJ
That’s Trap

LUCAS
Yeah, well maybe you oughtta shut yours!

EJ
I see you’re now quite the wise guy eh? Nudge nudge wink wink.

SAMI (singing)
The hills are alive with the sound of Bradys
And songs they have sung for a hundred years
Here you won’t find any gentlemen or ladies
But our triangle will bring you to tears!

EJ
I second the motion.

LUCAS
Man, you can say that again. Hey, wanna go for a beer?

EJ
No thanks, but I’d be game for an ale …



Monday December 3, 2007

LUCAS
The only thing missing is a Pole.


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR

LUCAS
I mean, let’s face it, at some point or other, most European groups have had representation on this show. The Italian DiMeras who
went to Ireland also had that German looking castle on the Romanian/Hungarian border, with guards who musta been French cos they sounded like Inspector Clouseau, the Kirakis clan is Greek, we even had that Russian worker’s cap being passed from Soviet Stan to Andre, Bo and Steve talk about Stockholm blah blah blah … so what I wanna know is, when does the Polish community get their chance?  Poland is right there on the map, in case you all forgot, in central Europe.

SAMI (sighs)
Your point being?

LUCAS
The only thing missing is a Pole. Hey, I’m of European extraction,
I notice these things …


Thursday November 29, 2007

KATE
I didn’t do it!


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO  HEAR

KATE
I may have tried to kill Victor, set fire to the mansion, left Sami on death row, blackmailed her, paid men to deceive her, slept with men half my age, broken and entered more times than Liz Taylor bought jewelry, broken every commandment, lied to Lucas and tried to ruin his life, altered tests, accepted money for services rendered, shot EJ, but I did NOT REPEAT NOT cross the writers picket line!

BO
What are you talking about? There are no writers!

SHAWN
Should I get a warrant to find some? Um, is it warrant or War Ant? Are we at war with ants?

BO
Keep up the good work, son. You’re learnin.

DIVA CHLOE
Shawn, why are you not with Belle at the hotel?

SHAWN
Who is that and what’s she talking about?

PHIL
You’ve just been Chloe-ized, my friend.

SHAWN
Cool!



Friday November 16, 2007

BO
The tooth fairy doesn’t exist.


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR


KATE
But Santa Claus, the Boogie man, and the Easter Bunny are
real, right?

ROMAN
You bet, sister, an the Salem P.D. got files on all those felons!

COLLEEN
Did someone say fellas? Te good lowered wants me te meet all the lovely fellas of the warld … Tis me destiny!

SHAWN SR.
Dat Colleen, she was an angel …

KATE
The devil doesn't always wear prada, you know.



Wednesday November 14, 2007

FORD
What’s up, ladies?

LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR

CHELSEA
Not you.

EJ (feebly)
I can totally relate to that…

FORD
Ouch!

CHELSEA
One thing I know for sure about you, Ford, is that
you did not shoot EJ.

FORD
How so?

CHELSEA
There’s no gun in your pocket.

EJ
Ouch!

COLLEEN
The dear lowered, wants me ta spread me wings so I be prayin that
Jett the kindly studmuffin shall soon return to me humble life.
If not, his latest calendar would be lovely, tanks.




Tuesday November 6, 2007

EJ
AMALFI …


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR

SAMI
Huh? You’re Alfi? I thought you were EJ.

LUCAS
Oh man! Not another evil twin storyline! Just something more to freakin yell about!

PHIL
Never mind Shawn, Belle. When are you and I gonna tie the knot?

BELLE
May.

PHIL
May what?

BELLE
May the day never come.

SHAWN
Yuk yuk yuk!

SHAWN AND PHIL
Live not from New York, it’s Tuesday afternoon!

BELLE
Don't be so childish. You're supposed to talk about me.

PHIL
No writers, no control, toots.

SHAWN
Yuk yuk yuk!

BELLE
When are the writers coming back?

JOHN
As soon as I decide to lift the curse I put on the tv industry.
Nobody messes with John Black!




Friday November 2, 2007

NICK
Boring times …


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR

CHELSEA
Cos the bad guy got caught?

NICK
No, it’s the times.

CHELSEA
The 21st century?

NICK
It’s boring.

CHELSEA
I don’t get it.

NICK
The newspaper I’m starting up. It’s called the Salem
Boring Times …

CELESTE
But now that you have tempted the fates, dahling, Salem is about
to become excitingly supernatural …

MAX
It already is supernatural. Steph’s hair just growled at me.




Thursday November 1, 2007

STEFANO
Bravo!


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR.

STEFANO
And no one will ever suspect the DiMeras were responsible for
the troubles of Buck the Bounty Hunter!

EJ
That is Dog.

STEFANO
Whatever.

ROLF
What did zis Buck do exactly?

EJ
He said the N word.

ROLF
Ah yes. Nincompoops.

STEFANO
Speaking of nincompoops, EJ, go off to your wedding so
I will have some quality time with my grandson. Johnny is
the future so …

WRITERS
That’s all for today, folks. We’re on strike.

ROLF
I hed no idea zer were writers for zis show ... When did zey
start?



Wednesday October 31, 2007

BELLE
I slept with Philip ...


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR

SHAWN
I wonder what this means to our relationship.

BELLE
I can’t wait to marry you.

PHIL
I slept with Belle.

SHAWN
I wonder what this means to our relationship.

BELLE
I slept with Shawn.

PHIL
I wonder what this means to our relationship.

JAN SPEARS
I slept with Shawn.

CHLOE
I almost slept with Philip.

FORD
Wow! Now this is the storyline I should be part of! Good hot ... confusion!

STEFANO
I am still borrrrrrrrrrrrrred.

EJ
We might get those stem cells after all.

STEFANO
Do I look like a damned plant to you?!

EJ
Bang bang bang! Next time, Kate, don’t buy a Japanese car!

KATE
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

SAMI
OK Lucas, we're gonna play Three's Company. I'm Chrissy with
too much caffeine, EJ wants to be Jack Tripper, an' ...


LUCAS
No freakin way am I gonna be Joyce Dewitt in this bedroom
farce!

SAMI
Would you believe Mr. Roper?

FORD MAXFACTOR
Did someone say groper? That's my cue!



Tuesday October 30, 2007

FORD
Party time!


LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR

MAX
Now I am really suspicious of that guy.
A frat boy who parties and drinks liquor. Hmmm

CHELSEA
Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp!

NICK
Don’t worry, Arty Miss and Da Market, I’ll save you!

MAN WITH BAD SWISS ACCENT
Yew aw nawt gewing tew see yow gewlfwend …

NICK
POW! Right in the kisser!

CHELSEA
Nick, you just decked the wardrobe guy.

NICK
Oops.

JETT
Say, Chels, wanna have dinner sometime? I can afford to
take you to the cafeteria for chips with this great five buck
an hour salary.

CHELSEA
No thanks. Nick is a full professor now.

HARRY BELAFONTE
Artemis and Demarquette, here are two front row tickets to my show tomorrow night at the Hollywood Bowl.

BOYS
Yay!

NICK
What about me?

HARRY BELAFONTE
All in due time. Goodbye for now. Thanks for the logical, lengthy
storyline – not!

JOHN
I hear ya, brother.

PATCHMAN
A Happy Halloween to all.

KAYLA
And God bless us, everyone, though some more than others …