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| Quote of the DAY! |
Tuesday April 1, 2008 EJ Here in the U.S. I’m barred and certified. LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR JOHN Me too. I’m barred from many establishments and … PATCH Certified, Yeah, that’s me, man, but Ava ain’t doin’ too badly. ROMAN We got more barred and certified Salemonians den da Salem P. D. knows what ta do with. Keeps us on our twos. EJ You mean toes. ROMAN Dat too. MR. IMMIGRATION Mr. Wells-DiMera, as you now have a partnership in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, that changes everything. Welcome to Salem. You can vote in the next election. STEFANO (dreaming) The last time I was conscious enough to vote, I chose Nixon ... DR. BUTLER ROLF Und zen I programmed him! Zose were ze days. Thursday February 28, 2008 EJ Why did God give the Irish whiskey? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR ROMAN Why? EJ I haven’t got a clue. I’m English. SLOSHED PUB CAST Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! EJ How do you get the peanut butter in the peanut butter cups? ROMAN Stop right there or I’ll have te arrest ye for espionage. CAROLINE Whatever. Have another tequila, everyone! ROMAN Ma, we’re Irish. CAROLINE So we are. By the way, I get the worm this time! MORE FUN STUFF Monday February 11, 2008 JOHN Let’s get this bird in the air … LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MARLENA I hate it when you call me that! JOHN I’m too sexy for this plane … COLLEEN Now tat’s me boy! Thursday January 31, 2008 COLLEEN I’m Colleen Brady. LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR JOHN I’m Dex Dexter. MARLENA I’m Crystal Carrington. SAMI I’m Lucy Ewing. BELLE I’m Cindy Brady’s alter ego. BO I’m a Brady, too. Sorta. CAROLINE These days who isn’t a Brady? COLLEEN I hear ye, sister! CAROLINE Will you be replacing me as the Brady matriarch? COLLEEN No, I be here to reunite, croak, an den float away. CAROLINE In that case, have a drink on me … STEFANO Heeeeeeeelp! Where is that phoenix bird when you need him?! PHOENIX BIRD My agent is ironing out a contract. We’ll do lunch soon. STEFENO Ungrrrrateful pigeon! Wednesday January 9, 2008 STEFANO What are you doing, John? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR STEFANO That is my finest … JOHN I got my memory back smoking this fine stuff. I’m Fidel Castro. ROLF Runk! JOHN Huh? STEFANO He said “wrong.” JOHN The name is Black. John Black. STEFANO You’ve come a long way, baby. Monday December 24, 2007 BO You’re my wife . You’re my life . LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR HOPE Our door of love will never shut and maybe we don’t have a mutt But I do love the way you strut & you have daytime’s nicest bu*t. JULIE How beautifully romantic! Doug, anything to add? DOUG I do not like green eggs and ham . I do not like them Sam I am … STEVE What a happenin’ crowd of dudes and dudettes. EJ Are you there God? It’s me, Elvis. If I give up my blue suede shoes, may I have the screaming woman of my dreams? LUCAS Not if I can help it! Once I get back from the short course at the Yodeling Institute, we’re gonna take our kids on a singing tour, so we can be just like that Von Crap family in the Sound of Music. EJ That’s Trap LUCAS Yeah, well maybe you oughtta shut yours! EJ I see you’re now quite the wise guy eh? Nudge nudge wink wink. SAMI (singing) The hills are alive with the sound of Bradys And songs they have sung for a hundred years Here you won’t find any gentlemen or ladies But our triangle will bring you to tears! EJ I second the motion. LUCAS Man, you can say that again. Hey, wanna go for a beer? EJ No thanks, but I’d be game for an ale … Monday December 3, 2007 LUCAS The only thing missing is a Pole. LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR LUCAS I mean, let’s face it, at some point or other, most European groups have had representation on this show. The Italian DiMeras who went to Ireland also had that German looking castle on the Romanian/Hungarian border, with guards who musta been French cos they sounded like Inspector Clouseau, the Kirakis clan is Greek, we even had that Russian worker’s cap being passed from Soviet Stan to Andre, Bo and Steve talk about Stockholm blah blah blah … so what I wanna know is, when does the Polish community get their chance? Poland is right there on the map, in case you all forgot, in central Europe. SAMI (sighs) Your point being? LUCAS The only thing missing is a Pole. Hey, I’m of European extraction, I notice these things … Thursday November 29, 2007 KATE I didn’t do it! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR KATE I may have tried to kill Victor, set fire to the mansion, left Sami on death row, blackmailed her, paid men to deceive her, slept with men half my age, broken and entered more times than Liz Taylor bought jewelry, broken every commandment, lied to Lucas and tried to ruin his life, altered tests, accepted money for services rendered, shot EJ, but I did NOT REPEAT NOT cross the writers picket line! BO What are you talking about? There are no writers! SHAWN Should I get a warrant to find some? Um, is it warrant or War Ant? Are we at war with ants? BO Keep up the good work, son. You’re learnin. DIVA CHLOE Shawn, why are you not with Belle at the hotel? SHAWN Who is that and what’s she talking about? PHIL You’ve just been Chloe-ized, my friend. SHAWN Cool! Friday November 16, 2007 BO The tooth fairy doesn’t exist. LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR KATE But Santa Claus, the Boogie man, and the Easter Bunny are real, right? ROMAN You bet, sister, an the Salem P.D. got files on all those felons! COLLEEN Did someone say fellas? Te good lowered wants me te meet all the lovely fellas of the warld … Tis me destiny! SHAWN SR. Dat Colleen, she was an angel … KATE The devil doesn't always wear prada, you know. Wednesday November 14, 2007 FORD What’s up, ladies? LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR CHELSEA Not you. EJ (feebly) I can totally relate to that… FORD Ouch! CHELSEA One thing I know for sure about you, Ford, is that you did not shoot EJ. FORD How so? CHELSEA There’s no gun in your pocket. EJ Ouch! COLLEEN The dear lowered, wants me ta spread me wings so I be prayin that Jett the kindly studmuffin shall soon return to me humble life. If not, his latest calendar would be lovely, tanks. Tuesday November 6, 2007 EJ AMALFI … LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR SAMI Huh? You’re Alfi? I thought you were EJ. LUCAS Oh man! Not another evil twin storyline! Just something more to freakin yell about! PHIL Never mind Shawn, Belle. When are you and I gonna tie the knot? BELLE May. PHIL May what? BELLE May the day never come. SHAWN Yuk yuk yuk! SHAWN AND PHIL Live not from New York, it’s Tuesday afternoon! BELLE Don't be so childish. You're supposed to talk about me. PHIL No writers, no control, toots. SHAWN Yuk yuk yuk! BELLE When are the writers coming back? JOHN As soon as I decide to lift the curse I put on the tv industry. Nobody messes with John Black! Friday November 2, 2007 NICK Boring times … LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR CHELSEA Cos the bad guy got caught? NICK No, it’s the times. CHELSEA The 21st century? NICK It’s boring. CHELSEA I don’t get it. NICK The newspaper I’m starting up. It’s called the Salem Boring Times … CELESTE But now that you have tempted the fates, dahling, Salem is about to become excitingly supernatural … MAX It already is supernatural. Steph’s hair just growled at me. Thursday November 1, 2007 STEFANO Bravo! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR. STEFANO And no one will ever suspect the DiMeras were responsible for the troubles of Buck the Bounty Hunter! EJ That is Dog. STEFANO Whatever. ROLF What did zis Buck do exactly? EJ He said the N word. ROLF Ah yes. Nincompoops. STEFANO Speaking of nincompoops, EJ, go off to your wedding so I will have some quality time with my grandson. Johnny is the future so … WRITERS That’s all for today, folks. We’re on strike. ROLF I hed no idea zer were writers for zis show ... When did zey start? Wednesday October 31, 2007 BELLE I slept with Philip ... LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN’T GET TO HEAR SHAWN I wonder what this means to our relationship. BELLE I can’t wait to marry you. PHIL I slept with Belle. SHAWN I wonder what this means to our relationship. BELLE I slept with Shawn. PHIL I wonder what this means to our relationship. JAN SPEARS I slept with Shawn. CHLOE I almost slept with Philip. FORD Wow! Now this is the storyline I should be part of! Good hot ... confusion! STEFANO I am still borrrrrrrrrrrrrred. EJ We might get those stem cells after all. STEFANO Do I look like a damned plant to you?! EJ Bang bang bang! Next time, Kate, don’t buy a Japanese car! KATE Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? SAMI OK Lucas, we're gonna play Three's Company. I'm Chrissy with too much caffeine, EJ wants to be Jack Tripper, an' ... LUCAS No freakin way am I gonna be Joyce Dewitt in this bedroom farce! SAMI Would you believe Mr. Roper? FORD MAXFACTOR Did someone say groper? That's my cue! Tuesday October 30, 2007 FORD Party time! LINES THE VIEWERS DIDN'T GET TO HEAR MAX Now I am really suspicious of that guy. A frat boy who parties and drinks liquor. Hmmm CHELSEA Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp! NICK Don’t worry, Arty Miss and Da Market, I’ll save you! MAN WITH BAD SWISS ACCENT Yew aw nawt gewing tew see yow gewlfwend … NICK POW! Right in the kisser! CHELSEA Nick, you just decked the wardrobe guy. NICK Oops. JETT Say, Chels, wanna have dinner sometime? I can afford to take you to the cafeteria for chips with this great five buck an hour salary. CHELSEA No thanks. Nick is a full professor now. HARRY BELAFONTE Artemis and Demarquette, here are two front row tickets to my show tomorrow night at the Hollywood Bowl. BOYS Yay! NICK What about me? HARRY BELAFONTE All in due time. Goodbye for now. Thanks for the logical, lengthy storyline – not! JOHN I hear ya, brother. PATCHMAN A Happy Halloween to all. KAYLA And God bless us, everyone, though some more than others … |
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