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| Warning: If you can't stand the heat, get outta the kitchen! Updated as of October 31, 2007 Nice that they are showing a scrapbook but whatever happened to updating the scrapbook Hope put online for the Hortons at alicesfamilytree.com? It still shows Zack as being alive! And never mind praying that no one would be taken away again, how about praying for this writing to improve yuk yuk yuk! Lucas being referred to as Horton once more conjures up images of Horton the Tiger, who was never found years ago. Perhaps he hightailed it to Siegfried and Roy’s magnificent tiger compound? EJ shooting the car sure would make for a great car insurance commercial, though stepping away as he puts it, is still not necessarily safe, as bullets can still ricochet. There is a pattern here … Santo DiMera Santo Domingo Santo Claus So Sami will stop the vendetta, Belle confides in Sami, Marlena talks about Sami and EJ wants to convince Sami. Fair enough – but instead of axing and/or downgrading the rest of the cast to Sami groupies, why not simply start a Sami spinoff? (right now she’s a nice girl in an increasingly irritating situation) NEXT ON DAYS Rolf announces he will now report to Sami and Will… Updated as of October 30, 2007 If Ford Double-decker bus turns out ta be like the date raping Max Factor heir, does that mean we get to see Dog Bounty Hunter bring him back in cuffs? Now that cameo would make the whole thing worth watching! Why is Chelsea suddenly written like such a schizo? I love Nick, Nick is bad in bed, I want Jett, go away, Jett, hello Nick … Is Jett’s 5 buck an hour salary not good enough all of a sudden?! So the only Asian character on the show is not only a stereotypical studious shy girl, now they’re getting rid of her. Call Affirmative Action! Meanwhile, the Arty Miss and Da Market storyline gets abruptly ended but everybody liked that one! And nice that the boys’ father is alive and they can be reunited with him, but who the heck is he …? Is this just a quickie ending to leave even more airtime for Three’s Company? (aka Sami/EJ/Lucas) NEXT ON DAYS EJ announces that he is also the father of Artemis and Demarquette … Lucas changes his name to Horton the Tiger and gets a job at the Mirage … Ford makes a pass at Billie so she tells him to go vendetta himself … Updated as of October 25, 2007 EJ to Salem P.D. “Who is it you would like me to mate?” (that would be ‘meet’ teehee) So the first bubble gum machine paternity test was a lie, the second bubble gum machine paternity test was a lie, and now the third bubble gum machine paternity test will be true, but nobody thinks to shut down that dang lab! They ain’t worth the quarter, folks … Phil says Belle convinced herself “in her head” that she wanted to be with him. That wasn’t her head talkin, darlin! Well, hothead Shawn has once again proven why he should never wear a law enforcement badge. Welcome to Salem, almost U.S.A., where having Andre on yer speed dial gets ya thrown in the slammer! Meanwhile, Sami tells Lucas “I feel like I got hit by a Matra” Matra is a mountain range in Hungary, a beat in Indian classical music, and a French aeronautics company – all of which are way more interesting than the DNA switching storyline on Days … A Mack Truck, however, is a big, common truck that often gets stuck in traffic, like the Sami/Lucas/EJ fiasco, so that’s probably what she meant. Mack Truck. NEXT ON DAYS Claire heads for the pub, where she beats up the writers … Mega-shocker! Howard Stern is the father of both twins! Updated as of October 16, 2007 If only they’d give poor Cousin It Stephanie a decent hairstyle, maybe she’d be the lucky gal out for nachos with Maxwell Smart, man about town… Morgan is fun but she is more supermodel than Salem sorority sister … Speaking of sisters, now that John has been run over by the Dimeramobile, that Flying Nun Colleen suddenly seems to be of less interest to everyone … Snorters anonymous? Kindly cut down on the dosage of crying drops given to some of the actresses. Let’s play vendetta! If you rearrange the letters in “vendetta” you get … “TV End Date” ! yuk yuk yuk! Of course, the 'd' was used twice, so it was really a play on "vendettad." How about you? Have you been vendettad today ..? NEXT ON DAYS EJ thanks Sami for being so in hate with him … Stephanie goes undercover as a dorito … John wakes up on Direct TV ... Updated as of October 9, 2007 Think Colleen and Santo are really finished? They might be, but their story goes on as Sami and EJ keep talking about, rehashing the whole thing again and again and again … Kayla can't call Mickey, cos they don’t accept Salem calls on the General Hospital set! Speaking of John Ingle, this guy really does deserve a medal cos not only did he put up with a nutty Days storyline before running back to GH, the dude actually was once Nicolas Cage's high school teacher! Mickey has been MIA almost as long as Cassie, half of that twin set of Rex/Cassie, who were Roman's long lost twins. Speaking of which … nobody even told ‘em Roman was in the hospital recently huh! Meanwhile, Chelsea gets a sniffling alert. Eww! Mebbe next time Stefano should do us all a favor and get the whole freakin storyline annulled! The fact of the matter is, there is no DiMera vendetta storyline, there has been a triangle involving Sami. No more, no less. Stefano and Tony and even Andre became add-ons to the tale of Sami’s triangle. So when do the DiMeras get a storyline of their own??? When John wakes up on another show?! NEXT ON DAYS Ford Decker introduces the gang to his parents, Black and Decker, and Double Decker Bus … (seriously, though, he seems to be a nice guy) Updated as of October 3, 2007 How profound of Chelsea and Stephanie to join the Charlie’s Angels from Hell sorority .. As EJ flutters his lashes at a rate of 1000 blinks per second … Vendetta. There is not a scene in which this word – vendetta – isn’t spoken at least a dozen vendetta times! Welcome to Dialing for Dollars a la Patchman! Meanwhile, Sami loves hates loves hates loves hates EJ but wants to protect divorce leave love protect save Lucas cos Colleen fell down half a century ago. Alrightee. NEXT ON DAYS Given the murder and mayhem in town, the Salem P.D. decide to hire another officer, bringing the grand total on the force to 5 … The Vendetta goes from contract to recurring status. Updated as of September 26, 2007 Vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta vendetta. That's about how many times you hear the word in every 5 minute segment! Well, he might have baby powder in his hair sometimes, but that don't change the fact that Pete Brady looks the same age as daughter Colleen! It is increasingly difficult to understand the words in this foreign film ... But the biggest blooper of all is the reference to the chairch spiritual advisor "Farter Mallory!" Meanwhile, Jeremy does indeed redeem himself by jumping Harry Belafonte as Lennny Kravitz bangs on the door. NEXT ON DAYS Roman manages to get a call through to Bo, who mistakes him for a heavy breather and hangs up ... Updated as of September 24, 2007 And now for something completely different … NEXT ON DAYS Andre accidentally buries himself! Sami marries Santo’s ghost … John fakes his death to show he could have died of boredom … The writers admit they read the calendar wrong and thought Halloween was in September. Stephanie enters a hog calling/squealing competition … Young Stefano claims Elvis Presley is still alive. 2 million viewers’ television sets are blown up! Updated as of September 18, 2007 The Salem P.D. say Andre is “more violent than ever.” But the dude used to be a freakin serial killer called the Salem Slasher! Meanwhile, hunky Phil has to repeat yet another round of “I love you, you love me …” And Stephanie now defends Jeremy! Mebbe she oughtta let the road kill on her head think for both of them in the future! Speaking of Big Moose Jeremy, he should focus on his own problems - like the fact that a really bad guy wants to kill him and the Salem P.D. want to lock him up and throw away the key - instead of wondering how come the Stevemeister broke the law … Poor Roman! For the last year they’ve buried his storyline, now he follows it six feet under! NEXT ON DAYS Steve admits he was with O.J. on the Vegas heist, too ... Updated as of September 17, 2007 Jan Spears and her cage are long gone but Shawn still gets written hapless. If it ain’t broke, he’ll burn it – even himself! He then gets saved by mommy … Man oh man, this guy still ain’t written right! Meanwhile, Shawn Sr. dreams of playing in lorries. Is it genetic?! They sure are using the charch (as Coealeena would say it) for lots of sinful scenes lately, ranging from attempted murders of bogus dead people to the fibs of hot to trot almost nuns … APB in Salem = Always phone Bo! Lastly but not leastly, the close ups are fab but reveal a shocking secret – namely that the blondes on the show have got plastic looking wigs and hair extensions. Eek! NEXT ON DAYS Super Claire brings down Andre … EJ rents the bed next to Sami ... Updated as of September 4, 2007 It still breaks the magic that popa Stephanie popa does not look or act even remotely related to popa Steve popa and Kayla … That having been said, when Patch tells Stephanie and that road kill she wears on her head she’s “not an airhead,” his nose gets ready to grow longer than Pinocchio’s. Meanwhile, here’s to hoping Santo DiMera is gone before the season for Santo Claus! I tell ya, it’s been a mistake not to give John Black decent airtime cos judging from all this internet madness, the dude makes news with or without decent airtime … and that’s a fact! Who turned out the lights? Salem just got darker than Britney Spears’ makeup room. And where did Phil’s nice blond hair go? NEXT ON DAYS Lucas and EJ are revealed to be siamese twins … The Unabomber sends Santo a letter he’ll never forget … Updated as of August 20, 2007 EJ tells Lucas “Kate’s asses have been frozen for months …” (that would be assets, dear chap, but you still do cut an impressive picture in a tie!) TL has noticed that the imploded Sands Hotel was shown yet again – as a standing impossibility – in the Vegas backdrop, this time when Max emerged from his gropefest in the whirlpool … No jet lag for Bo after his long 30 second walk from the Irish church set back to Salem! Love Steve, but when are they gonna let him take the Fonze’s jacket off his eye? Roman says "Andre is out there harboring this leather thingamajig." That would be Steve, dude! And it’s still stuck on his eye! Spoiler ahead! Warning! Get ready for another Gimme that piece of yer organ storyline in Salem! First it was a kidney, now it’ll be a slice of liver. Bodyparts of Our Lives. NEXT ON DAYS Ilsa Warrior Princess rescues Wayne Newton from the Sands hotel … Updated as of August 15, 2007 Holy writing! Bo the Catholic says "damn" in the Irish church! Why is it that every Lucas scene has EJ in it and vice versa? Are these guys joined at the hip?! Good news in Salem. Roman’s brain, which had been missing for years, has finally returned. Touch the Sky hasn’t exactly touched the ratings now has it! This whole EJ saving Lucas in the cold is too much like an even more warped version of … well ... EJ saving Lucas in the cold! First it was the cabin, then the freezer. We all know what Lascivious Lowell is really after – that persian carpet on Stephanie’s head! NEXT ON DAYS 21 Jump Street Jett makes a deal with all the felons on the plane … EJ saves Lucas from Tonya Harding at the Winter Olympics … Updated as of August 9, 2007 If Lauren wants to prove she has a baby, why not show the real baby! Doh! There is too much screaming and attempted murder on this show. Get me an aspirin! The Bradys should really give the Pope his house key back … A thump on the head to Shawn for not wanting Belle to have a life! He is written too much like a clueless Neanderthal. Nick, meanwhile, has morphed into a full-fledged dope! Billie is such a stunner, she'd have the guys lining up in real life. NEXT ON DAYS EJ carjacks an ice cream truck … The Phantom of the Opera asks Lexie for his cape back ... Updated as of August 3, 2007 As EJ daydreams about being an actor on a soap opera … The heavies do what they sign those plum contracts for – so they can read non-existent characters’ non-existent letters at the latest gathering of the Vets-for-Scripts association. It’s all about KEYS, folks. Bart eats his key and Santo of expanding moustache fame would like a KEYS from Suffragette Sister Colleen. Holy Royal Doubletake! Jeremy is suddenly the spitting image of Prince Harry! Everyone in Salem now knows Foxy Jett is a not-so-undercover ISA … NEXT ON DAYS It is finally revealed that Colleen died in a passionate kiss with Santo when his expanding moustache suffocated her … Julie reads the gang the letter in Latin as Doug tries to seduce her with a song - now that there is a real supercouple. The blooper is they don't get enough airtime! Updated as of August 1, 2007 Next thing you know, they’ll have Sami chanting REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! Stop the insanity! Stephanie defies stereotypes as she proves that brunettes can be dumb blondes, too! You tell Kate, Nick! It’s all about Revenge of the Nerds … Meanwhile, Chelsea continues to do what she usually does – get mad. She doesn’t need a man, she needs a meal by golly! Great storyline Marlena has. She gets to read Colleen’s letters and talk about Sami, Colleen, and Santo. NEXT ON DAYS Plans are announced to reunite Roman and Kate so Roman stabs himself, Bo breaks the television camera, and Marlena talks about what Santo would say if he were here … Updated as of July 27, 2007 Nick tries to talk Chelsea into marrying him by bringing up Britney Spears’ whim wedding in Vegas – but that one got annulled faster than you could say Wayne Newton! Why do central/eastern European women always get portrayed like victims? In real life, Ilsa would be smacking Jeremy, Zsa Zsa Gabor style! What’s Jerry Springer’s phone number? I gotta go to Vegas with this guy and get my “winnings” put on his account, too. This one comes from TL … “The blooper from the Las Vegas hot tub scenes earlier this week..... if you look in the background scenery, you'll see The Sands Hotel, which was imploded at least 5 years ago. Yes, they're using an old backdrop!” NEXT ON DAYS Nick admits he is Borat’s American cousin … Borat implodes ... Updated as of July 19, 2007 Nice to see Shawn Sr. gets to say a sentence today! This whole EJ and Lucas and Sami thing can be solved in one way that would make all the fans happy – have two Samis! One Sami to complete Lumi and one Sami to complete Ejami and yet a third on holidays to complete Collanto, which sounds like a European ice cream anyhow. Enough of this Flying Nun meets the Berlitz Italian teacher at a vegetarian picnic stuff! Cut to the chase, already! What a bummer bumping off Bart just when he’s so funny! Poor Phil. He needs a girl and a life but all he gets are crank calls. NEXT ON DAYS Stefano converts the Brady pub into Pubo de la Bradio … Updated as of July 10, 2007 Colleen's habit looks like it originally belonged to someone taller, like Sister Moira Mary! Well, shiver me timbers but I be havin’ a hard time understandin this turn-o-the-century Irish talk! It be getting a wee better now but when te lads forst brought in Mister Sento, I could naught be understandin a single freakin word tey said! EJ is a cute Santo, but the look is very Wyatt Earp (19th century gun slinging Kansas lawman), See for yourself – click on wyatt earp photo here Nick is so depressed of late, he is starting to be depressing. Meanwhile, Stephanie continues to wear road kill on her head. NEXT ON DAYS Pete challenges Father hanky fetish to a river dance … Grandpa Shawn admits he can't even get properly drunk on account of the watered down booze he be sellin ... Updated as of July 3, 2007 Maybe next time Roman should call Dr. Phil or better yet, Dr. Ruth! As Rolfski and EJ rush in the room together, EJ accidentally pushes the dastardly doc and makes him lose his balance! Given that Belle and Shawn are so strapped for cash, mebbe Belle ought to have a look at her ID to remind herself that John moneybags Black is her papa! Then again, she’s probably smarter than anyone for not counting on him cos the dude is nowhere to be seen, comatose or awake! Poor Shawn, how come they always make him say he feels like an idiot? (perhaps to compensate for the fact that they keep writing him like one?) Say babysitter Vic, have you checked the children? Muhuhahaha! NEXT ON DAYS Stephanie turns 13 … Roman O.D.s on viagra … Nick feuds with Jett's hairbrush Updated as of June 26, 2007 The Three Tenors – Stefano, Tony, and EJ – are an excellent crime family! The only blooperology is that bad boy in training EJ still blinks too much … Ever since Abby left, Max has become a dumb bunny but at least he defended Steph! (that be Stephanie, not Stefano) Here comes another predictable Kate scheme that will involve blackmail, trouble for Sami, then an angry Lucas who cuts all ties with Kate– again! Nick better not start dating Billie after he and the daughter break up … And Dayra wrote in that both Bart and Stefano sounded like they were calling Colleen “your great aunt Colleen” to EJ and Tony! Seems that a microphone malfunction or a sound editing issue musta made the H sound disappear from “her.” NEXT ON DAYS Anna admits her real name is Scarlett O’Hara … Jeremy, Jett, and Max are discovered to be the reincarnation of the Village People! Updated as of June 19, 2007 Swell that the groovy young fellas (Jeremy, Jett et al) have a brand new airline, but somebody should tell them they’ll be needing something else to get started – a plane! So far no aircraft sightings. Remember way back when, all the horse sounds that were heard from the Kiriakis stables but never a horse was seen? Soon that horse sounds person will now be making plane sounds for Jeremy and Jett’s most excellent aviation adventure. Poor Shawn. Now even Claire acts like he’s a loser. When EJ talks about what happened at the warehouse, he calls it the “Whitehouse.” Last week Sharon wrote in that EJ called Sami “Aly,” her real name – and them there cameras just kept a rollin! Ever notice how Salem bombs never have fragments, shrapnel, etc. They’re more like earthquakes. NEXT ON DAYS Jeremy asks Max to invest in a Space Shuttle knockoff … Updated as of June 12, 2007 Shawn always gets such dumb bunny lines! And Nick used to be way smarter. “Too cool for school” says Chelsea. Very 1970s! What is up with the Stephen King psycho forklift? Just another excuse to make Sami scream? She’d already screamed enough at Stefano. Still no one has noticed that JETT works for the AIRLINES. So Chelsea tells a guy she just met that her boyfriend slept with her mom … Ewww! Seems like Jeremy will be running NUDIST AIRINES. NEXT ON DAYS The Forklift goes to work for the Salem P.D… Shawn wonders how they get the peanut butter in the peanut butter cups … Claire explains it to him. Updated as of June 4, 2007 Lucas and Sami got married so … we can watch every Sami scene with EJ in it?! How many people are in this marriage? Meanwhile, the Keystone Cops get foiled by Rolfski yet again! Chelsea is a lovely gal with stunning eyes but she needs a good meal. EJ keeps banging poor Sami’s head! First in the car when he yanks her head back, then when he lays her on the ground, it’s another bangfest! Stephanie acts about 13 years old. Jeremy and Jett are cuties but – Jeremy looks barely old enough to drive, let alone pilot a plane and couldn’t they have given JETT of the airline fame another name?! Okay, time to give Lucas more lines other than “Stay away from my wife!” NEXT ON DAYS EJ buys Sami a healthy Big Mac with fries … Updated as of May 28, 2007 So Tony got outta jail but Salem was unaware … Pretty much says it all! Meanwhile, naughty Lurch EJ needs to find another gal to obsess over cos Sami comes up to his kneecaps. And she might be pint sized next to his blinking tallness, but she is heads above him in intelligence, cos she figured her baby was in danger, whereas EJ was surprised that the DiMeras wanted all them there living cells! But wait! Lucas and Sami the newlyweds’ scenes have been replaced with the escapades of EJ and Sami. How come that hunky Lucas always gets shortchanged? Amazing how John has been sleeping for months and yet wakes up without a big fuzzy beard/stubble, not to mention his fluffy, blowdried hair! Shawn and Belle sure take up lots of airtime repeating the same ol dialogue (last month it was Patch and Kayla’s turn) NEXT ON DAYS John asks who shot JR … Updated as of May 15, 2007 Big exciting day as Hope asks Chelsea is she is still a “wex vuwgin” (wax virgin)! Ooo the suspense! Wonder if Willow actually watched the Al Gore movie. The hanging chads show or Save the Planet from my Limo? And when someone states “My unmentionables are on the floor,” they must be talking about Willow's lines cos the fact that she gets any sure is unmentionable! Are we seeing double? Gaby now has hair on both sides of her head! Speaking of Gaby, in a space of ten seconds, she goes up to Shawn and Belle’s room, looks for the GPS and solves the mystery of “God punishes sinners!” Shawn and Chelsea really are bro and sis cos they both got the same purply hair of late! Meanwhile, Shawn seems surprised ya can’t trust that Phil! Ya think! But he’s then ready to trust maniacal Steve! Stop writing Shawn like the weakest link, he is supposed to be a HERO, not a ZERO. NEXT ON DAYS Belle: "REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM!" Updated as of May 11, 2007 The Johnny Depp uniformed cop’s hair was longer than permitted by the Salem P.D. Have Kayla and Sami switched roles? Now Angela Lansbury Kayla says she will make him pay! Father Trump? As Sandy pointed out, the priest had this to say at the LUMI wedding … “By the power INVESTED in me …” Just a technicality, but no one on Tinda Lao is any more tanned, burned etc. than when they arrived! Oh oh! Five hundred years bad luck for Roman for saying “damn” in front of the church. Meanwhile Kate has morphed into a madam. NEXT ON DAYS Kayla steals Bo’s chainsaw for her next role … Updated as of May 10, 2007 How come no one in Salem ever worries about their car insurance skyrocketing after an accident??? It’s either drugging people or breaking and entering with these folks. Welcome to Felonville, U.S.A.! EJ orders Steve to kill SHOWN. No wonder Steve is so confused! And were those hush puppies EJ was wearing at the wedding? Frances Ford Copola (“The Godfather”) directed the wedding epi! And how about that Walton’s music at the reception … Johnboy, may I have this dance? P.S. I am a human blooper for having called Stephanie Chelsea yesterday. I’m not worthyyyyy! But they are similar are they not! NEXT ON DAYS Lucas Corleone makes EJ eat cake ... Updated as of May 9, 2007 It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a flying Stephanie! Is Roman studying karate? His gestures are suddenly very martial artsy! While the rest of town goes green, Chelsea’s hair is slowly but surely turning purple! Not so smarty pants EJ tells the thugs he hires “my hands stay clean” – just as he hands them that envelope with his fingerprints all over it! Stephanie was popa popa popa but gentlemen now gentlemen EJ gentlemen the popular gentlemen DiMera cutie gentlemen has a gentlemen tick of his gentlemen own! NEXT ON DAYS Heff offers Will a job as a photographer … (that’s Heff, not Hoff, no burgers on the floor please!) Updated as of May 1, 2007 EJ’s legs appear to grow an extra inch longer with every lie. (only his legs, ok!) Popa Stephanie needs to popa stop popa acting popa like a twelve popa year old! Nick’s brain seems to have moved down from his head - and then some! Shawn and Phil really need to stop relying on mommy and daddy while Claire doesn’t want to rely on her mommy and daddy at all, given how she keeps trying to squirm away and when that doesn’t work, she babbles her complaints to the camera operator! And what gypsy’s wardrobe did Kate raid??? NEXT ON DAYS EJ moons Sami … Duck sells Phil the island of Maui for ten bucks. Updated as of April 27, 2007 Oh oh. Bo wants DNA evidence for Willow’s baby. DNA test in Salem really means Don’t Nothin’ Add up! Meanwhile, EJ gets a makeover. Wigs Gone Wild! Sami’s hair gets progressively curlier throughout the same day while Shawn’s looks ready to bite someone. Nice that Belle is in love but not so nice that she seems to have inherited Lexie’s loud sniffling from those “you will cry now” drops. Where the heck do they put the microphones? In people’s mouths, judging from the loud slurps we keep hearing every time folks on the show slurp smack kiss! Stephanie popa is a popa cute girl popa but popa why popa does she popa keep popa saying “popa” like some popa sorta freakin popa tick?! NEXT ON DAYS Zombie EJ asks Sami to be his date at the 1776 waltz of independence … Updated as of April 20, 2007 Gabby and her tae bo gestures are sinking into the floor right before our very eyes just about every time she is supposed to be standing! Quick, throw this gal a life line! Kayla is nervous about EJ, Steve, now seeing her own daughter. Is there anything she isn’t nervous about??? And Dr. Kraft singles sure is more interesting than that big human egg Foley. Put her back on Steve’s case already! They told us a little while ago that Sami and Lucas were gonna be written like a comedic duo. So what happened to that?! We’re back to Sami as a victim on the edge, Lucas getting duped, while Catwoman Kate hisses away at the sidelines … Now that new Stephanie is in town to get Abby in trouble, Abby is taking off for the summer! NEXT ON DAYS EJ looks inside Sami’s socks, to make sure the Salem P.D. aren’t hiding in them … Updated as of April 18, 2007 yuk yuk yuk Did Max give Chelsea some car oil gel for her hair or what?! Speaking of Chelsea, she acts like a sleaze but is really a virgin. Odd. She sure doesn't act like a wex vuwgin! ("wax virgin") Looks like Phil is winning the wacky villain war as EJ blinks on … Is “Willow’s Hairbrush” going to be a Days spinoff? Is that how come so much time is wasted on it?! Meanwhile Max gives Dr. Phil a run for his money but still hasn’t gotten a new jacket since he came to Salem! In the meantime, Stephanie got a new face. It is time for Kate to get something she hasn’t had for years – a life! NEXT ON DAYS EJ heads to Vegas to marry Neway Tonewn, the anagram for Wayne Newton … Nick admits he stole Monica Lewinsky’s dress, too! Updated as of Friday the 13th! Dr. Kraft Singles really needs to live up to her name and get the hospital inmates at least one good cheese sandwich. Just before the Sheriff of Nottingham showed up, it was next to impossible to hear Shawn and Belle’s dialogue, cos Claire was talking louder than them - at the same time! Gabby, who talks like she’s Valleygirl singing, keeps pointing just like that loonietune Gloria on the 'Young and the Restless.' This is a first. A daytime crossover pointfest! Gabber then tries to convince Shawn to take her to Australia, proudly stating “I'm good with the BULL” (boat?) Can’t wait for Dark Prince Tony to show up and show Monty Python blinker EJ what a real DiMera is! Last but not least, looks like Kayla is the latest recipient of the official Days neon bandaid on the forehead. Could be weeks, folks! NEXT ON DAYS - And now for something completely different! EJ admits he just wants to be able to film himself doing the Monty Python Silly Walk and put it on TV. Watch the results here, in case ya missed it last time – The Monty Python Silly Walk! (outside link) Updated as of April 10, 2007 One flew East, one flew West, how comes Days flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest?! Paging Dr. Kraft Singles! Kayla needs to get some new lines instead of getting the same ones day after day after day. Never mind EJ and Celeste and their wacky plans, Sami also has to contend with wearing them high heels at home lately – now those must be murder! Lastly but not leastly, EJ keeps whipping out his cell phone and making secret phone calls where people can – and do – overhear him day after day after day. A cry for attention perhaps? NEXT ON DAYS Bo flashes the hidden camera in his house … Kayla becomes a go-cart racer … Dr. Kraft Singles marries Chuckie Cheese. Updated as of April 6, 2007 Lucas gets a marijuana suit, man! Oh lordy please don’t do another man sleeps with his gal’s mom storyline, with Abe and Celeste! Bring back Lexie for Abe. The cop at the cop shop computer musta been about 13 years old! What a hoot how shaggy hay head Willow sputters how Chelsea is the one having a bad hair day! It looks more and more like EJ grows with every lie! And every time Kate talks to him, she suddenly grows a British accent. But the doozie is when EJ talks about the POTTY they’ll be havin after the wedding hehehe! And now that Tony’s comin back, he’ll have to make Maggie and the Chez Rougers give back the DiMera mansion set once and for all! NEXT ON DAYS The last few episodes turn out to be a long hallucination caused by the green magic mushrooms served at Lucas and Sami’s wedding … Reported as of April 4, 2007 First the kidney story now the revolving hairbrush oh brother! If not one character really cares about the environment, what is the point of this green wedding??? Meanwhile, Nick is turning into Walter Mitty, the old movie character who lived through his daydreams! So the cat’s outta the bag! Jack is anti-maxipad! Lastly but not leastly, Lucas is now given the P word – protect. Bo protects Hope, John protects Marlena, Lucas protects Sami but who protects the viewers from the overuse of the same word? NEXT ON DAYS Kayla sells her hot Stefano pics to Playgirl … EJ starts to walk around Salem doing the Monty Python silly walk. Reported as of April 3, 2007 EJ the blinking organ thief and hanger-on and hacker … Man the guy needs to get a life already! Phil the pill tells Gabby – a total stranger – how he doesn’t trust people anymore AFTER he has told her his life story! Aw shucks, Max keeps the priest collar, talk about a sinner! Sami has a nice suntan on her face. Did she sneak off to Tinda Lao for some almost fun in the sun? How come Nick always acts like he’s got a big wad of gum in his mouth?! And if not, what or who the heck is hiding in there?! Love Celeste, but what the dickens is a DIMEEWA??? NEXT ON DAYS Shawn hangs a moon at the window to stop Phil from coming upstairs so Phil starts to sing and Belle counter-attacks with spitballs as Captain Claire declares a mutiny and takes control of Duck’s bar. The drinks are on the house! Reported as of March 30, 2007 Yup, it sure looks like John’s kidney huh! Must be the way it raises that eyebrow … The doc tells Steve she tried calling Kayla at her office but Kayla thus far has not had an office! And Shawn and Belle’s wardrobe sure has multiplied on Tinda Lao! Some folks in Salem have on heavy coats and winter wear, while others are in summery outfits and mini-skirts soooooo, what season is the studio?! Max says he’s always wanted to see the world - but he used to be a world class race car driver who traveled the world! NEXT ON DAYS Stefano and his ring give the finger to the powers that be who won’t let him wake up! Kayla sells her photos to perezhilton. Shawn attacks Flipper for whistling at Belle so she folds more stolen laundry. Reported as of March 29, 2007 If the bar folks don’t approve of Charlie’s drinking, what the heck do they keep selling him booze?! I’ll tell ya why – cos he’s apparently the only customer around! And where are all the Tinda Lao birds - they must be passed out drunk. No one ever puts sunscreen on fair Claire in the tropical sun! John doesn’t get a storyline but his missing kidney must be on contract! Steve says he might be able to catch up on the soaps and figure out what’s happening when he’s on meds and tanked up and drooling. But that tanked up and drooling part must be a reference to a writer’s meeting … yuk yuk yuk! NEXT ON DAYS Foley and Willow announce their engagement … Max goes undercover at the Vatican … Reported as of March 28, 2007 On the Lost Island, never mind Charlie, it sounds like Gabby’s been dipping into the booze too… Is that why she failed to warn Shawn he was the sheriff’s brother-in-law? Kayla sure must know about some great last minute deals to Europe! Oh no! Sami’s shower was crashed by squatters cos those folks in the background sure weren’t Days actors! Phil then asked hostess Sami “Are you ok with my hair?” (he meant are you ok with me here. Did he dip into the island booze, too?) Lucas walked into the party with a straight tie, then moments later, his tie was crooked. Someone can’t keep their hands off this guy! NEXT ON DAYS Gilligan shows up on the island and asks Duck for relationship advice cos Ginger still won’t give him a date ... Reported as of March 27, 2007 EJ goes for a confused Moses look … Kate, however, shows what a circus the shower is by parading around in her best ringmaster get-up. And poor diva Celeste’s psychic powers aren’t even good enough to warn her not to talk loudly as a door is opened cos you never know when EJ is behind it! Speaking of EJ, why is he everywhere? He is starting to appear anywhere anytime, kinda like Zelig. On the Lost Island, Gabby still only has hair on one side of her head. And in the under 18 months crowd, Claire makes a hearty grab for Shawn’s bottle of beer, spilling the secret of why she’s so giggly teehee! NEXT ON DAYS Bo puts out an APB on Celeste’s missing psychic powers … EJ asks Sami’s hanky to marry him … Reported as of March 19, 2007 Rewind to a few years ago with the Kate and Lucas and Sami scenario … oh brother! Kate, meanwhile, has a very Lion King do … And never mind the wedding dress, how about getting Sami a slip that isn’t too baggy on her! Well, he may almost have a beard now, but it don’t change the fact that EJ is still more Hugh Grant than DiMera … Lucas had a great tie on today but it was so crooked it made ya wonder what the sly devil was doing between takes – and with whom! Great to have Marlena back but who the heck put her in the Nazi coat?! NEXT ON DAYS Steve admits he was the real Unabomber … Reported as of March 12, 2007 EJ is a good lookin fella but he seems more Irish wise guy than DiMera. He also tells Steve he can’t handle his own WAIF.(wife) Billie’s character has sunk to an all-time irreversible low. What a shame. And this stuff makes us all sick, not just Chelsea. Abracadabra! Why doesn’t diva Celeste use her psychic powers to connect with Lexie ...! Jed needs to lose the Jaclyn Smith look. Cut the hair, dude! We know Abby’s cute but did the waiter really mean to say “Here you are, FOX. Bon appetit!” If so, what is Maggie gonna do about it?! NEXT ON DAYS Celeste accuses her hat collection of spying for the DiMeras … |
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| Don't hate me because I'm funny ... |